Ode to Mother's Day

When I became a mom, I never imagined the things that would come out of my mouth.

With the Munchkin, it wasn't too bad.  I mean she's a girl, and I had no IDEA until we had Little Man.  Then it got interesting.

But I didn't know HOW interesting until we had Baby J.

Holy cow.  There are things that I have to say and yell at the kids that I can 1. barely say with a straight face, 2.  say with a sigh while shaking my head, or 3.  all of the above.

I know that all of you moms out there have the same issue.  You wouldn't think that you would have to be so, well, blunt with your children.  But kids will be kids, and they are just testing their limits.

Hahahhaha!  Wow, now that just sounds hilarious, like I'm never at the end of my rope.  That's not the case, but that's why they do what they do.

Here is a small list of the things that I have had to say to one or all of my children lately:

Don't hit your brother in the head with a maraca.

Don't sit on your brother.

Don't hit your sister with the drumstick.

Don't wipe your mouth on the couch.

We don't play in the dog water, it's not a pool.

You better be nice to your little brother he's going to be just as big or bigger than you someday.

In response to "he hit me" or "she hit me", well, hit him/her back and figure it out.  That works every time.  They are so puzzled that I said to hit back, that they then act like normal little people.

Don't stick baked beans up your nose.


Why did you feel the need to flush the toy thermometer down the toilet?


You can't ride the dog like a horse.


Because!  You HAVE to wear underwear!

Please don't play with the toilet, it's not a toy.

Ahhh.  The joys of motherhood.  I know that there will be so many other things that I never thought would come out of my mouth.  Especially when talking to the kids.  And I'm sure that I will keep another list, because it's just plain hilarious!  Oh, I hope they read this and laugh when they get older!