In light of Mother's Day being tomorrow...and receiving all of the cute little things that my little minions have made for me over the last week, I feel I absolutely MUST talk about being a mom.
THAT mom.
Oh yes I am.
I admit it.
You know...that bat-shit crazy yelling mom who seems like a hot freakin' mess no matter what time of day you see her.
Are you that mom too? Because you're in good company.
I used to have it together. I remember when Munchkin started school. I was so excited for preschool. Volunteering in class. Carefully picking and choosing out snacks for snack day.
Now, I hardly even remember WHEN it's snack day. It's on the calendar, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to remember. I can look at it and forget it the next minute.
This school year alone I have bought snacks last minute for almost every single one of the boys' school days. Their teachers SEEM to have a good sense of humor about it....I hope that's actually the case.
Half the time we are running to school late. Every. Single. Day. I don't know what it is. No matter how early I try to get the kids dressed and fed, something always happens that we are out the door late. I feel like it's freakin' goundhog's day in my house (the movie, not the actual day). Every day it's the same thing, every day the kids act like we have never gone to school before....ever. Every day I want to bang my head on the steering wheel of the van after I get the kids buckled in.
I go out in public with yesterday's hair and makeup...and believe me, if I'm still drinking coffee, I probably haven't had time to brush my teeth. If you're lucky, I put on a bra to take the kids to school. If there isn't snow on the ground, I'm wearing flip flops....or slippers if there is snow.
I don't care.
My boys are nut cases. I mean, they are boys and they have a never ending supply of energy. WAAAYYYY more than I have. I used to be known at the preschool as the lady who yells. I am. I admit it. If I'm not yelling, they aren't paying attention. Everything else is more interesting to them.
I would say that I don't care, but I do....alot...this is what drives me batty!
I may have moved on from the lady who yells to the lady who has crazy kids. I'm not sure.
There is a HUGE difference this year.
I DON'T GIVE A FLYING YOU KNOW WHAT!!!
I don't care what the other moms think anymore. I don't have that kind of time. You moms who have time to shower and do hair, makeup, and real clothes every morning...props to you. I don't. I have too many kids and am too tired to care how I look when I take the kids to school.
I don't really care what I look like when I'm at the store.
And I REALLY don't care what I look like when I'm at home doing cleaning, laundry, and homework all day.
I do my hair and makeup...and wear real clothes when I have to attend things for my cheer directorship duties. I shower when I actually have to go to campus to accomplish things.
I even shower and the whole nine yards when I go out with the husband!
For my everyday life.....I'm THAT mom.
That's me...I'm the hot mess yelling mom with crazy kids and you know what?
I don't care.
I love my kids. We have fun...sometimes more, and sometimes less. And trust me, they aren't going to remember that I didn't have makeup on or that my hair was crazy all the time.
So forever I will be THAT mom. The one that my kids love.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Friday, January 11, 2013
Death by Laundry Room??
Yesterday...like any other day...I was in the laundry room tackling the pile of clothes to wash. I mean, laundry is my life. There are 5 people in this house, so there is always SOMETHING that needs washed.
I'm minding my own business THEN.....my extra shelf with hanging space comes crashing down narrowly missing my head. I was attacked by my own clothes!!!!!
Pulled the wall anchors out of the wall.
Completely. Out. Of. The. Wall.....screws, plastic anchor thingys, and the drywall it brought with it.
What I thought...and subsequently what I said was.....REALLY????!!!!!
You can tell that having kids has affected my ability to sufficiently cuss up a storm when something like this happens.
Now, let me be clear. I hate my laundry room. I know, you would think it would be my favorite place....but it's the size of a damn postage stamp!!!! Smaller even.
I'm minding my own business THEN.....my extra shelf with hanging space comes crashing down narrowly missing my head. I was attacked by my own clothes!!!!!
Pulled the wall anchors out of the wall.
Completely. Out. Of. The. Wall.....screws, plastic anchor thingys, and the drywall it brought with it.
The holes left in the wall...I know it doesn't look dramatic, but it was.
The offending shelf. It is upside down, but imagine it with an empty bucket on top and it had clothes hanging from the hangy bar thing-a-ma-jig.
What I thought...and subsequently what I said was.....REALLY????!!!!!
You can tell that having kids has affected my ability to sufficiently cuss up a storm when something like this happens.
Now, let me be clear. I hate my laundry room. I know, you would think it would be my favorite place....but it's the size of a damn postage stamp!!!! Smaller even.
My laundry room. On the left you see the door jam and on the right...the door, which is up against the wall.
So, as you can see, it's REALLY small. When we bought our house, I was so excited to have first floor laundry. I didn't have to go up and down the stairs. How awesomely convenient!
So. Not. Awesome. Or convenient.
I think it was really an afterthought when the house was built. There is no proper drain if the washer leaks, unless of course leaking into the basement to ruin whatever is down there is proper drainage.
Oh...we figured that out the hard way. The washer did leak one time. It made a waterfall in the basement. Through a light fixture. Good times.
I loathe my laundry room. If we could move it down to the basement, we would. We would have to have it wired, and yada yada, blah, blah. One day it will happen, but probably not soon.
There is no room to do anything. There is only enough hanging space for roughly 2 loads of clothes. I don't have enough shelves. Or storage. Or standing room.
Oh, and we don't have a utility sink either. I miss having one of those. We have to use the kitchen sink for all of that. Filling buckets. Rinsing gross stuff out of clothes. So NOT how I would have done it, had I been a part of building the house.
Then again, when we bought it, I thought it was awesome until I actually started using it.
Live and learn. Back to laundry. Hopefully it doesn't kill me.
I think it was really an afterthought when the house was built. There is no proper drain if the washer leaks, unless of course leaking into the basement to ruin whatever is down there is proper drainage.
Oh...we figured that out the hard way. The washer did leak one time. It made a waterfall in the basement. Through a light fixture. Good times.
I loathe my laundry room. If we could move it down to the basement, we would. We would have to have it wired, and yada yada, blah, blah. One day it will happen, but probably not soon.
There is no room to do anything. There is only enough hanging space for roughly 2 loads of clothes. I don't have enough shelves. Or storage. Or standing room.
Oh, and we don't have a utility sink either. I miss having one of those. We have to use the kitchen sink for all of that. Filling buckets. Rinsing gross stuff out of clothes. So NOT how I would have done it, had I been a part of building the house.
Then again, when we bought it, I thought it was awesome until I actually started using it.
Live and learn. Back to laundry. Hopefully it doesn't kill me.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
C H E E R CHEER!!!!
I figured I would explain this one since I have been dealing with cheer stuff today.
When I was younger, I had NOTHING to do with cheer. I didn't want to. I was anti-cheer. In my school all cheer was, was a popularity contest. I mean I'm sure they practiced and whatnot, but I was not interested.
I danced for many years and was even in a ballet company for a short time. Then once I got to high school, I was in band. Yeah, yeah....band. And colorguard. And the rifle line.
Shut it. No jokes.
So how did I manage to get myself into cheer up to my eyeballs?
The Munchkin. She has wanted to be a cheerleader for as long as I can remember. This year she was actually old enough to mascot for our youth football association.
And so it began. The entrance into cheer. We didn't have a coach for awhile, only a squad mom who then kind of fell into the coaching job. Buuuutttt, people get sick and can't make it, so then I just jumped in and helped out a little here and a little there. Next thing you know, one of the directors asked me if I would be her assistant for next year, and I said yes.
A few weeks after the season ended, we had a competition scheduled. The director was so sick during practice time, I had to step in...immediately. So, then it happened. All sparkly and glitter and cheering with my cheer mom school spirit shirt on.
Oh yeah.
And THEN the Munchkin decided that she wanted to cheer over the winter as her activity. So, I signed her up for Upward cheer.
Upward is a national program that is church based (yes, I know, but it is a REALLY great program for the kids). Soooo, when I signed her up, I decided to volunteer as an assistant coach to get some practice in and kind of figure out what I was doing before I started in on an entire football season of assistant directorship.
But wait. There's more.
I am now the HEAD COACH for the squad. They are sort of short handed and need some people in other locations for the organization. They asked me to be the head coach, so I said, sure why not.
The hubby thinks I'm nuts. However, he supports me ENTIRELY!!! I think he knows how much fun it is for me to do this with the Munchkin, plus my love of glitter and everything sparkly.
Yes. I am a head cheer coach. For Upward. In charge of 8 girls in kindergarten and 1st grade. Yes I am crazy. Yes it has been fun...so far.
Then again, we have only had one practice. They are doing soooo good though. Totally adorable. And I've actually taught them how to cheer. Totally amazing.
So next fall when football rolls around, hopefully I will be prepared. But I'm not worried. It's been fun, and I'm glad that I am taking the time to do it.
Go GLITTER!!!!!
When I was younger, I had NOTHING to do with cheer. I didn't want to. I was anti-cheer. In my school all cheer was, was a popularity contest. I mean I'm sure they practiced and whatnot, but I was not interested.
I danced for many years and was even in a ballet company for a short time. Then once I got to high school, I was in band. Yeah, yeah....band. And colorguard. And the rifle line.
Shut it. No jokes.
So how did I manage to get myself into cheer up to my eyeballs?
The Munchkin. She has wanted to be a cheerleader for as long as I can remember. This year she was actually old enough to mascot for our youth football association.
And so it began. The entrance into cheer. We didn't have a coach for awhile, only a squad mom who then kind of fell into the coaching job. Buuuutttt, people get sick and can't make it, so then I just jumped in and helped out a little here and a little there. Next thing you know, one of the directors asked me if I would be her assistant for next year, and I said yes.
A few weeks after the season ended, we had a competition scheduled. The director was so sick during practice time, I had to step in...immediately. So, then it happened. All sparkly and glitter and cheering with my cheer mom school spirit shirt on.
Oh yeah.
And THEN the Munchkin decided that she wanted to cheer over the winter as her activity. So, I signed her up for Upward cheer.
Upward is a national program that is church based (yes, I know, but it is a REALLY great program for the kids). Soooo, when I signed her up, I decided to volunteer as an assistant coach to get some practice in and kind of figure out what I was doing before I started in on an entire football season of assistant directorship.
But wait. There's more.
I am now the HEAD COACH for the squad. They are sort of short handed and need some people in other locations for the organization. They asked me to be the head coach, so I said, sure why not.
The hubby thinks I'm nuts. However, he supports me ENTIRELY!!! I think he knows how much fun it is for me to do this with the Munchkin, plus my love of glitter and everything sparkly.
Yes. I am a head cheer coach. For Upward. In charge of 8 girls in kindergarten and 1st grade. Yes I am crazy. Yes it has been fun...so far.
Then again, we have only had one practice. They are doing soooo good though. Totally adorable. And I've actually taught them how to cheer. Totally amazing.
So next fall when football rolls around, hopefully I will be prepared. But I'm not worried. It's been fun, and I'm glad that I am taking the time to do it.
Go GLITTER!!!!!
Monday, December 17, 2012
To "Fifty" or Not to "Fifty"
Yup, I'm going there.
Ohhhh.....such a HOT topic. For so MANY reasons.
If you haven't read it, you've heard about it. Don't shake your head, I know we would all be hard pressed to find someone who hasn't.
If you have read it, you're probably wondering what other people are doing with the information that was soaked up like a thirsty sponge from this hot and bothered terribly romantic love story.
Yes. Yes I did. I just called it a love story. BEEECAAUUUSSEEE....that's exactly what it is. It just has a few, um, twists and turns to make the story line more interesting.
ANYWAY!
I've also been wondering how many relationships that E.L. James has brought out of the drudgery of pure boredom. Hmm.
Now don't go and get all modest and oh my, that's just too racy for me. The only one that can hear your reading voice is you. Unless of course you are reading this out loud, and now we are just getting into issues that aren't my business.
Hands down this is the SEXIEST book series I have ever read. And I've read a lot. What makes this unique is that it has the potential to be a real situation (okay....overlook the fact that Christian is filthy rich AND hot as hell and that Ana is a fabulously gorgeous goody two shoes virgin). These characters fell in love while they were exploring their "adventurous" side. Happens all the time. Well, not that so many of us are going out and getting freaky with random people that we just so happen to fall in love with.
I fell in love with my husband after the fact. I can say that freely now. It's been 16 years, I'm pretty sure we are safe from being shunned. We had mad, passionate, gettin' it on like freaks before we even thought about love.
Now we love each other and damn were we boring. You know, the we have three small children, I'm tired, we're married, we should probably get it on even though I have three tests and a paper to write. It was just trying to live life and keep a somewhat important aspect of our relationship alive.
Now I'm not talking let's go live out the far from mainstream lives of these people they show on these TV specials to make you wonder what your neighbor could be doing.
This book series makes you WANT. Seriously, if there was a word that I could find to use that would describe it better, I would. It makes you think about your hubby. Back to the day when you couldn't keep your hands off each other. Oh yeah, you know what I'm talking about.
THEN...all of the things they do in the book, make you think. A LOT. About what you might find...uh...interesting to implement in bedroom. Now, I have to say that there are some things in the books that make me a little squirmy, and that would be a definite NO! However, there's many things that creep into your mind that your inner goddess is jumping for joy about.
Oh yes ladies. We all have one. She's probably just been sleeping since you had kids.
Mine woke from a deep slumber raring to go.
Guys (I realize there is like one of you..maybe two that read this), don't shudder. This is how we think. It's part of the book that makes it good. It's something that we can all relate to...you know, those voices in your head. Not the crazy ones, the normal ones. Also, if you aren't on the Shades train, you should be. Open your arms and embrace it, you won't be sorry.
Now I'm not going to talk about what you are willing to do and not do. It doesn't matter. It's your life, and your kink. Whatever floats your boat between two consenting adults, hey go for it.
So just think about it. Open your mind to something new. It could change your life....your relationship.
Go get your freak on. You're not alone. Embrace it. Love it. LOVE IT! You'll be happier...I promise.
Ohhhh.....such a HOT topic. For so MANY reasons.
If you haven't read it, you've heard about it. Don't shake your head, I know we would all be hard pressed to find someone who hasn't.
If you have read it, you're probably wondering what other people are doing with the information that was soaked up like a thirsty sponge from this hot and bothered terribly romantic love story.
Yes. Yes I did. I just called it a love story. BEEECAAUUUSSEEE....that's exactly what it is. It just has a few, um, twists and turns to make the story line more interesting.
ANYWAY!
I've also been wondering how many relationships that E.L. James has brought out of the drudgery of pure boredom. Hmm.
Now don't go and get all modest and oh my, that's just too racy for me. The only one that can hear your reading voice is you. Unless of course you are reading this out loud, and now we are just getting into issues that aren't my business.
Hands down this is the SEXIEST book series I have ever read. And I've read a lot. What makes this unique is that it has the potential to be a real situation (okay....overlook the fact that Christian is filthy rich AND hot as hell and that Ana is a fabulously gorgeous goody two shoes virgin). These characters fell in love while they were exploring their "adventurous" side. Happens all the time. Well, not that so many of us are going out and getting freaky with random people that we just so happen to fall in love with.
I fell in love with my husband after the fact. I can say that freely now. It's been 16 years, I'm pretty sure we are safe from being shunned. We had mad, passionate, gettin' it on like freaks before we even thought about love.
Now we love each other and damn were we boring. You know, the we have three small children, I'm tired, we're married, we should probably get it on even though I have three tests and a paper to write. It was just trying to live life and keep a somewhat important aspect of our relationship alive.
Now I'm not talking let's go live out the far from mainstream lives of these people they show on these TV specials to make you wonder what your neighbor could be doing.
This book series makes you WANT. Seriously, if there was a word that I could find to use that would describe it better, I would. It makes you think about your hubby. Back to the day when you couldn't keep your hands off each other. Oh yeah, you know what I'm talking about.
THEN...all of the things they do in the book, make you think. A LOT. About what you might find...uh...interesting to implement in bedroom. Now, I have to say that there are some things in the books that make me a little squirmy, and that would be a definite NO! However, there's many things that creep into your mind that your inner goddess is jumping for joy about.
Oh yes ladies. We all have one. She's probably just been sleeping since you had kids.
Mine woke from a deep slumber raring to go.
Guys (I realize there is like one of you..maybe two that read this), don't shudder. This is how we think. It's part of the book that makes it good. It's something that we can all relate to...you know, those voices in your head. Not the crazy ones, the normal ones. Also, if you aren't on the Shades train, you should be. Open your arms and embrace it, you won't be sorry.
Now I'm not going to talk about what you are willing to do and not do. It doesn't matter. It's your life, and your kink. Whatever floats your boat between two consenting adults, hey go for it.
So just think about it. Open your mind to something new. It could change your life....your relationship.
Go get your freak on. You're not alone. Embrace it. Love it. LOVE IT! You'll be happier...I promise.
Happiness
Yes. I am happy.
But here's the thing. It's all relative.
You can choose to be happy or freaking miserable. I am now choosing to be happy.
Well, sort of. That makes is sound like it's the easiest thing in the world. It's soooo not.
See, my happiness is not necessarily only contingent upon me. There's another player in the mix....the hubby.
We both had resentment and anger built up for roughly the last 5 years. If you dig in the archives you will see the marriage class articles and some more of our trials and tribulations. I suppose even though we were working on things at that point, it didn't really work AND there were other contributing factors.
Don't you hate it when you realize hindsight is 20/20? I mean it's always that way...sometimes it's even more clear than 20/20....sometimes 20/10 even.
Honestly, I am so sick of counseling. Don't get me wrong. I am all for it. Totally, I'm a big fan, but I'm over it. Maybe we needed it, but maybe not. The thing that actually worked was removing some elements from our life. You know...the meddlers.
Plus I started reading the Fifty Shades series.
Seriously. That's all you need. People that can stay out of your marriage, and sexy books.
It IS a love story you know.
So with reading that series, we have seemed to find our passion again. Which is AWESOME! I mean there is something to be said for comfortable love. Let's face it though, there doesn't seem to be anything more exciting than being in love and in passion with your husband (wife, partner, whatever).
When you are in love like that, everything seems to fall into place. And it has, mostly.
We are still trying to figure out how to be parents. I mean good parents. It's not just about cuddles and feeding and playing at this point. It's messy now. Discipline and school (theirs, not mine) and friends and attitudes. That's the hard stuff. We have two laid back kids that generally listen pretty well. Then there's JJ. He's the unknown in the equation. He can be sweet and kind OR he can be a nutball and not listen and be destructive. We are still learning how to deal with that personality.
Work in progress. Forever I think. As long as we are doing the best we can and fix our mistakes as we go along, we'll be good.....if we don't end up in the funny farm.
So is this the key? I don't know. It seems like it's our key. Yours might be different. I will share our journey. Some of it, not all of it. I mean I'm sure you don't want EVERY detail, right?
But here's the thing. It's all relative.
You can choose to be happy or freaking miserable. I am now choosing to be happy.
Well, sort of. That makes is sound like it's the easiest thing in the world. It's soooo not.
See, my happiness is not necessarily only contingent upon me. There's another player in the mix....the hubby.
We both had resentment and anger built up for roughly the last 5 years. If you dig in the archives you will see the marriage class articles and some more of our trials and tribulations. I suppose even though we were working on things at that point, it didn't really work AND there were other contributing factors.
Don't you hate it when you realize hindsight is 20/20? I mean it's always that way...sometimes it's even more clear than 20/20....sometimes 20/10 even.
Honestly, I am so sick of counseling. Don't get me wrong. I am all for it. Totally, I'm a big fan, but I'm over it. Maybe we needed it, but maybe not. The thing that actually worked was removing some elements from our life. You know...the meddlers.
Plus I started reading the Fifty Shades series.
Seriously. That's all you need. People that can stay out of your marriage, and sexy books.
It IS a love story you know.
So with reading that series, we have seemed to find our passion again. Which is AWESOME! I mean there is something to be said for comfortable love. Let's face it though, there doesn't seem to be anything more exciting than being in love and in passion with your husband (wife, partner, whatever).
When you are in love like that, everything seems to fall into place. And it has, mostly.
We are still trying to figure out how to be parents. I mean good parents. It's not just about cuddles and feeding and playing at this point. It's messy now. Discipline and school (theirs, not mine) and friends and attitudes. That's the hard stuff. We have two laid back kids that generally listen pretty well. Then there's JJ. He's the unknown in the equation. He can be sweet and kind OR he can be a nutball and not listen and be destructive. We are still learning how to deal with that personality.
Work in progress. Forever I think. As long as we are doing the best we can and fix our mistakes as we go along, we'll be good.....if we don't end up in the funny farm.
So is this the key? I don't know. It seems like it's our key. Yours might be different. I will share our journey. Some of it, not all of it. I mean I'm sure you don't want EVERY detail, right?
Sunday, December 16, 2012
me... Me???? ME!!!!!
I've done a lot of changing over the last year and a half.
I mean, I'm basically the same person. I'm still that quirky chick that you're either gonna love or you're gonna hate.
Obviously you all love me since you are here!
Or you were just bored enough and clicked on my link.
When I was writing before, my life was in turmoil. Now that doesn't necessarily mean terrible. It was chaos. I mean, I have a crazy life. Heelloooo! It's what the blog is called.
Anyway.
Not that I don't have chaos now. Trust me. Every day is a crap shoot.
Back then I was still searching for my identity after having three children in four years and losing my job that I had been at for nine years.
Let's not forget that I was quite literally chucked head first into this whole stay at home mom/domestic goddess/ super woman thing.
Hardest transition. EVER!
Now that I've had a significant amount of time to adjust (and the right combo of medication) I feel like my life is more together.
***yes...medication...don't worry, we'll be talking about that at some point***
I feel like I am more myself now than I ever have been. If you haven't read my little postcards over to the left there, then you should. I have little tolerance for crap. Anyone's crap. Don't bring your crap to me, and don't try and stick your nose into my life. If I want you here, I'll invite you in.
I have had too many people make trouble, cause problems, and all together NOT have my or my husband's best interest in their hearts.
Hopefully that little tid-bit sums it up nicely for you. I'm not going to go into a long drawn out story. It's not worth my time anymore. I just wanted to throw that out there and explain how I came to arrive at my newfoundbeenaroundforeverlostthenfoundkindasorta bad attitude.
I love the people I love. I've even opened up and let new people in..which I do not regret for one second.
I'm back to telling it like it is. I'm not playing nice-y nice-y anymore. You don't like it? Get out of my life.
Sooooooo....don't get me wrong. I'm not angry even though I'm pretty sure that's how it's coming across. I am extremely happy. Though life is still chaotic (and I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't be able to function if it wasn't) I am HAPPY!!!!
I love where I am and the direction that I'm going.
I am hoping that I can keep up with this and school (oh yeah...getting a bachelor's in nursing) and the kids and the husband and the cheer.....
I mean, I'm basically the same person. I'm still that quirky chick that you're either gonna love or you're gonna hate.
Obviously you all love me since you are here!
Or you were just bored enough and clicked on my link.
When I was writing before, my life was in turmoil. Now that doesn't necessarily mean terrible. It was chaos. I mean, I have a crazy life. Heelloooo! It's what the blog is called.
Anyway.
Not that I don't have chaos now. Trust me. Every day is a crap shoot.
Back then I was still searching for my identity after having three children in four years and losing my job that I had been at for nine years.
Let's not forget that I was quite literally chucked head first into this whole stay at home mom/domestic goddess/ super woman thing.
Hardest transition. EVER!
Now that I've had a significant amount of time to adjust (and the right combo of medication) I feel like my life is more together.
***yes...medication...don't worry, we'll be talking about that at some point***
I feel like I am more myself now than I ever have been. If you haven't read my little postcards over to the left there, then you should. I have little tolerance for crap. Anyone's crap. Don't bring your crap to me, and don't try and stick your nose into my life. If I want you here, I'll invite you in.
I have had too many people make trouble, cause problems, and all together NOT have my or my husband's best interest in their hearts.
Hopefully that little tid-bit sums it up nicely for you. I'm not going to go into a long drawn out story. It's not worth my time anymore. I just wanted to throw that out there and explain how I came to arrive at my newfoundbeenaroundforeverlostthenfoundkindasorta bad attitude.
I love the people I love. I've even opened up and let new people in..which I do not regret for one second.
I'm back to telling it like it is. I'm not playing nice-y nice-y anymore. You don't like it? Get out of my life.
Sooooooo....don't get me wrong. I'm not angry even though I'm pretty sure that's how it's coming across. I am extremely happy. Though life is still chaotic (and I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't be able to function if it wasn't) I am HAPPY!!!!
I love where I am and the direction that I'm going.
I am hoping that I can keep up with this and school (oh yeah...getting a bachelor's in nursing) and the kids and the husband and the cheer.....
It's been how long????
So....it's been approximately a year an a half since I have written. Anything. Okay, well, I've written things for school, but not for fun.
I think that needs to change. Like now. Right now. Clearly, since I'm writing, and you're reading.
What I have been up to this last year and change? Up to my freakin' eyeballs in kids, schoolwork, housework, and of all things...cheerleading.
No, not me, the munchkin.
Uh...well, um, sort of me too. I got sucked in. She didn't have a coach....I helped out a little...next thing I know they ask me to be an Assistant Cheer Director.
I know, I know. I have NEVER. EVER. CHEERED. A. DAY. IN. MY. LIFE.
I do now. I said that I would be happy to be an assistant......
Go ahead. Laugh. I know you are already anyway.
More on that later. Hey, I have to keep you wanting to read more, right? Seeing as how I have been absent from here and living my chaotic mess of a life.
Let's see, what else? My husband and I have had the most complicated year. EVER. Seriously. In the history of our entire relationship, it has never been more insanely difficult, and then miraculously we took a right turn and pulled ourselves out of what was making us both horribly miserable.
I am now happy to say that we are happier we have ever been. FINALLY!!!!! I'm happier with him now than I was when we got married....even after when we were traveling. Crazy. I know. Again, more on that later.
I can't just tell you everything now.
You won't come back.
If I don't have people reading, I will just be some chick rambling on the internet for no good reason.
Shhhhh..no comments from the peanut gallery.
Let me keep the illusion and my pet unicorn.
I'm going to be changing around the look of this place...maybe switch up the layout. But one thing's for sure. The format is still the same. I can guarantee that you never will guess what I'm going to say.
I'm charming like that.
And modest.
Stay tuned...
I think that needs to change. Like now. Right now. Clearly, since I'm writing, and you're reading.
What I have been up to this last year and change? Up to my freakin' eyeballs in kids, schoolwork, housework, and of all things...cheerleading.
No, not me, the munchkin.
Uh...well, um, sort of me too. I got sucked in. She didn't have a coach....I helped out a little...next thing I know they ask me to be an Assistant Cheer Director.
I know, I know. I have NEVER. EVER. CHEERED. A. DAY. IN. MY. LIFE.
I do now. I said that I would be happy to be an assistant......
Go ahead. Laugh. I know you are already anyway.
More on that later. Hey, I have to keep you wanting to read more, right? Seeing as how I have been absent from here and living my chaotic mess of a life.
Let's see, what else? My husband and I have had the most complicated year. EVER. Seriously. In the history of our entire relationship, it has never been more insanely difficult, and then miraculously we took a right turn and pulled ourselves out of what was making us both horribly miserable.
I am now happy to say that we are happier we have ever been. FINALLY!!!!! I'm happier with him now than I was when we got married....even after when we were traveling. Crazy. I know. Again, more on that later.
I can't just tell you everything now.
You won't come back.
If I don't have people reading, I will just be some chick rambling on the internet for no good reason.
Shhhhh..no comments from the peanut gallery.
Let me keep the illusion and my pet unicorn.
I'm going to be changing around the look of this place...maybe switch up the layout. But one thing's for sure. The format is still the same. I can guarantee that you never will guess what I'm going to say.
I'm charming like that.
And modest.
Stay tuned...
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Fab Friends Thursday!
It's a Thursday blog hop! Always LOVE making new bloggy friends!
Welcome to all the hoppers and my regulars! Hope you enjoy!
Thank you to All that Glitters: girly fashion trends, and Hip Chick's Guide to PMS, Pregnancy, & Babies for hosting Fab Friends Thursday!
Welcome to all the hoppers and my regulars! Hope you enjoy!
Thank you to All that Glitters: girly fashion trends, and Hip Chick's Guide to PMS, Pregnancy, & Babies for hosting Fab Friends Thursday!
Ode to Mother's Day
When I became a mom, I never imagined the things that would come out of my mouth.
With the Munchkin, it wasn't too bad. I mean she's a girl, and I had no IDEA until we had Little Man. Then it got interesting.
But I didn't know HOW interesting until we had Baby J.
Holy cow. There are things that I have to say and yell at the kids that I can 1. barely say with a straight face, 2. say with a sigh while shaking my head, or 3. all of the above.
I know that all of you moms out there have the same issue. You wouldn't think that you would have to be so, well, blunt with your children. But kids will be kids, and they are just testing their limits.
Hahahhaha! Wow, now that just sounds hilarious, like I'm never at the end of my rope. That's not the case, but that's why they do what they do.
Here is a small list of the things that I have had to say to one or all of my children lately:
Don't hit your brother in the head with a maraca.
Don't sit on your brother.
Don't hit your sister with the drumstick.
Don't wipe your mouth on the couch.
We don't play in the dog water, it's not a pool.
You better be nice to your little brother he's going to be just as big or bigger than you someday.
In response to "he hit me" or "she hit me", well, hit him/her back and figure it out. That works every time. They are so puzzled that I said to hit back, that they then act like normal little people.
Don't stick baked beans up your nose.
Why did you feel the need to flush the toy thermometer down the toilet?
You can't ride the dog like a horse.
Because! You HAVE to wear underwear!
Please don't play with the toilet, it's not a toy.
Ahhh. The joys of motherhood. I know that there will be so many other things that I never thought would come out of my mouth. Especially when talking to the kids. And I'm sure that I will keep another list, because it's just plain hilarious! Oh, I hope they read this and laugh when they get older!
With the Munchkin, it wasn't too bad. I mean she's a girl, and I had no IDEA until we had Little Man. Then it got interesting.
But I didn't know HOW interesting until we had Baby J.
Holy cow. There are things that I have to say and yell at the kids that I can 1. barely say with a straight face, 2. say with a sigh while shaking my head, or 3. all of the above.
I know that all of you moms out there have the same issue. You wouldn't think that you would have to be so, well, blunt with your children. But kids will be kids, and they are just testing their limits.
Hahahhaha! Wow, now that just sounds hilarious, like I'm never at the end of my rope. That's not the case, but that's why they do what they do.
Here is a small list of the things that I have had to say to one or all of my children lately:
Don't hit your brother in the head with a maraca.
Don't sit on your brother.
Don't hit your sister with the drumstick.
Don't wipe your mouth on the couch.
We don't play in the dog water, it's not a pool.
You better be nice to your little brother he's going to be just as big or bigger than you someday.
In response to "he hit me" or "she hit me", well, hit him/her back and figure it out. That works every time. They are so puzzled that I said to hit back, that they then act like normal little people.
Don't stick baked beans up your nose.
Why did you feel the need to flush the toy thermometer down the toilet?
You can't ride the dog like a horse.
Because! You HAVE to wear underwear!
Please don't play with the toilet, it's not a toy.
Ahhh. The joys of motherhood. I know that there will be so many other things that I never thought would come out of my mouth. Especially when talking to the kids. And I'm sure that I will keep another list, because it's just plain hilarious! Oh, I hope they read this and laugh when they get older!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
To judge or not to judge?
Ahhh. Something that I think that we are all guilty of at one point or another.
Judging people.
Actually, I think most of us do it everyday.
I think it's natural, and quite automatic.
But does that make it right?
I'm not sure about the answer on that, but I think it depends on if your "judgment" is malicious or not.
We all come to conclusions about people when seeing them for the first time. What they are wearing, how they look, and how they are presenting themselves. This is why we have all of these (fabulous) reality shows about how to dress yourself better. All of these shows have a point. If you represent yourself in a certain way, people assume things about you.
For example. When I roll out of bed and take the Munchkin to school with coffee breath, shmeared makeup, and crazy hair, and dragging the little ones with me, someone might assume that I have a bit of a crazy life with three small children. Uh, yeah, crazy wouldn't be the word, but close. If I then drag the two little ones with me while having the coffee breath, shmeared makeup, and crazy hair to run errands, someone might label me as possibly not caring enough about myself to get ready, and possibly even put me in the trashy category. We don't like to think that people are going to make these assumptions, but that's reality. I don't have the time in the morning to get myself showered and prettied up. I will forever take the Munchkin to school bleary eyed with coffee breath. I will tell you that every parent and teacher at her school has been where I am, and don't think anything of it!
This is where the putting yourself into someone else's shoes comes into play. When I see harried women toting one, two, three or more children around wearing something that kind-of doesn't resemble jammies, and possibly wearing slippers as shoes (hey, I've done that too), I feel her pain and time limits because I know she is probably trying to get as much done as she can while she can. Not everyone thinks that way.
Are we able to judge without being judgmental? I know that sounds like it isn't possible, but I think it is.
You can come to conclusions about people, but not hold your assumption about them against them. You never know what is going on with someone, you don't wear their shoes. You can only try to see more than one side of the story.
If you come across someone who is rude, or one of your friends says something that rubs you the wrong way, you may consider that they could just be having a bad day. Try to see it from the opposite side of where your conclusion landed you.
Some people have had the opinion that while I was working, I was unavailable to be with my husband and family (uh....that would be one of the people that lives in my house who shall remain nameless). In this case, it was only seen from one point of view. I was sacrificing time with my family to work and bring in money to help support the family. This goes for time spent at school as well. I am trying to better myself to make a better life for my family. Other people would ask me how I managed to juggle everything. How did I keep going on 5 hours of sleep, working full time, and three small children and a husband. Why I must be superwoman, right? Well, superwoman maybe (but I'm still waiting for my cape), but I didn't do it alone, and I had the support of my very wonderful husband and totally awesome friends.
I had the pleasure of sitting down with two other moms last night and had a great time talking to them! They are moms who use cloth diapers, and breastfeed, and all that good stuff. I am not one of those moms. I love my disposable diapers, and breastfeeding didn't and wouldn't have worked for me. But the most wonderful part of this? I didn't think of them as tree-hugging hippie moms, and they didn't think that I was a horrible mom. We are all just moms who are trying to be the best that we can be and doing what works for us!!!! And, we can offer advice and an ear to one another if all doesn't go as planned. I can also feel confident in saying that there will be no judgment involved in that. We are trying to support each other and help each other in any way that we can. Now THAT is totally awesome!
So what I guess I'm trying to say is that while we judge people, we don't have to be mean and cruel about it. We can come to our conclusions, but try on the other shoe to see how it fits. Maybe just maybe you might understand more people than you ever thought possible.
Judging people.
Actually, I think most of us do it everyday.
I think it's natural, and quite automatic.
But does that make it right?
I'm not sure about the answer on that, but I think it depends on if your "judgment" is malicious or not.
We all come to conclusions about people when seeing them for the first time. What they are wearing, how they look, and how they are presenting themselves. This is why we have all of these (fabulous) reality shows about how to dress yourself better. All of these shows have a point. If you represent yourself in a certain way, people assume things about you.
For example. When I roll out of bed and take the Munchkin to school with coffee breath, shmeared makeup, and crazy hair, and dragging the little ones with me, someone might assume that I have a bit of a crazy life with three small children. Uh, yeah, crazy wouldn't be the word, but close. If I then drag the two little ones with me while having the coffee breath, shmeared makeup, and crazy hair to run errands, someone might label me as possibly not caring enough about myself to get ready, and possibly even put me in the trashy category. We don't like to think that people are going to make these assumptions, but that's reality. I don't have the time in the morning to get myself showered and prettied up. I will forever take the Munchkin to school bleary eyed with coffee breath. I will tell you that every parent and teacher at her school has been where I am, and don't think anything of it!
This is where the putting yourself into someone else's shoes comes into play. When I see harried women toting one, two, three or more children around wearing something that kind-of doesn't resemble jammies, and possibly wearing slippers as shoes (hey, I've done that too), I feel her pain and time limits because I know she is probably trying to get as much done as she can while she can. Not everyone thinks that way.
Are we able to judge without being judgmental? I know that sounds like it isn't possible, but I think it is.
You can come to conclusions about people, but not hold your assumption about them against them. You never know what is going on with someone, you don't wear their shoes. You can only try to see more than one side of the story.
If you come across someone who is rude, or one of your friends says something that rubs you the wrong way, you may consider that they could just be having a bad day. Try to see it from the opposite side of where your conclusion landed you.
Some people have had the opinion that while I was working, I was unavailable to be with my husband and family (uh....that would be one of the people that lives in my house who shall remain nameless). In this case, it was only seen from one point of view. I was sacrificing time with my family to work and bring in money to help support the family. This goes for time spent at school as well. I am trying to better myself to make a better life for my family. Other people would ask me how I managed to juggle everything. How did I keep going on 5 hours of sleep, working full time, and three small children and a husband. Why I must be superwoman, right? Well, superwoman maybe (but I'm still waiting for my cape), but I didn't do it alone, and I had the support of my very wonderful husband and totally awesome friends.
I had the pleasure of sitting down with two other moms last night and had a great time talking to them! They are moms who use cloth diapers, and breastfeed, and all that good stuff. I am not one of those moms. I love my disposable diapers, and breastfeeding didn't and wouldn't have worked for me. But the most wonderful part of this? I didn't think of them as tree-hugging hippie moms, and they didn't think that I was a horrible mom. We are all just moms who are trying to be the best that we can be and doing what works for us!!!! And, we can offer advice and an ear to one another if all doesn't go as planned. I can also feel confident in saying that there will be no judgment involved in that. We are trying to support each other and help each other in any way that we can. Now THAT is totally awesome!
So what I guess I'm trying to say is that while we judge people, we don't have to be mean and cruel about it. We can come to our conclusions, but try on the other shoe to see how it fits. Maybe just maybe you might understand more people than you ever thought possible.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Comfort in Love (Repost)
I was just reading through some of my postings just to read. Sometimes it can remind of something that I should be thinking of or working on.
I thought that I would re-post this and share with you, because it's so true for me right now. So many people have trials in their relationship, and we need a reminder that we really do love our spouse. And also a reminder to smack ourselves upside the head when we aren't behaving as well as we should.
Enjoy!
There is comfort in love.
The comfort that you know that you are loved.
The comfort that someone is there for you when you need to be loved.
There is also that time when love BECOMES comfortable.
When love becomes comfortable it can mean different things.
It can become comfortable in the way that you relax and you can be yourself and know that the other person will love you no matter what.
It can also be comfortable in the way that you get lazy and can get trapped in a cycle that can lend itself to carelessness. You can land in that place of taking your love for granted.
Both of these things go hand in hand.
I think that we have all been there. I know that my husband loves me. I also know that he is guilty of taking me for granted. I will absolutely say the same thing about myself.
I am not perfect.
He is not perfect.
Why then do we expect our LOVE to be perfect?
I haven't figured this one out. Jon and I are quickly approaching 14 years of being together. We STILL can't figure out how to love each other without hurting each other.
Maybe love IS part of the problem. I've heard a lot of people say that you hurt the ones that you love the most. Is this because we truly believe in the unconditional love that is formed? Or is it because we just take for granted that the other person will stand up, dust the hurt off, and continue on?
I would LOVE to figure out HOW to find comfort in love without becoming too comfortable. I realize that it's a two way street.
I have honestly never tried harder in my life to be more loving and considerate...not only to my husband, but to other loved ones in my life as well.
Though I must say, my husband is the one that I struggle with the most.
I guess it might have something to do with the fact that we have three children 3 and under. It also might have something to do with the fact that we very rarely get to spend time alone. It also might have something to do with the fact that we are both exhausted...physically and mentally.
So here is the question...at what point to we get over ourselves and get on with our love for each other?
It's a work in progress. Every day needs to be a new start. I say that here, but I really have to implement it into my life. Again, I'm not perfect, so yes...work in progress.
I thought that I would re-post this and share with you, because it's so true for me right now. So many people have trials in their relationship, and we need a reminder that we really do love our spouse. And also a reminder to smack ourselves upside the head when we aren't behaving as well as we should.
Enjoy!
There is comfort in love.
The comfort that you know that you are loved.
The comfort that someone is there for you when you need to be loved.
There is also that time when love BECOMES comfortable.
When love becomes comfortable it can mean different things.
It can become comfortable in the way that you relax and you can be yourself and know that the other person will love you no matter what.
It can also be comfortable in the way that you get lazy and can get trapped in a cycle that can lend itself to carelessness. You can land in that place of taking your love for granted.
Both of these things go hand in hand.
I think that we have all been there. I know that my husband loves me. I also know that he is guilty of taking me for granted. I will absolutely say the same thing about myself.
I am not perfect.
He is not perfect.
Why then do we expect our LOVE to be perfect?
I haven't figured this one out. Jon and I are quickly approaching 14 years of being together. We STILL can't figure out how to love each other without hurting each other.
Maybe love IS part of the problem. I've heard a lot of people say that you hurt the ones that you love the most. Is this because we truly believe in the unconditional love that is formed? Or is it because we just take for granted that the other person will stand up, dust the hurt off, and continue on?
I would LOVE to figure out HOW to find comfort in love without becoming too comfortable. I realize that it's a two way street.
I have honestly never tried harder in my life to be more loving and considerate...not only to my husband, but to other loved ones in my life as well.
Though I must say, my husband is the one that I struggle with the most.
I guess it might have something to do with the fact that we have three children 3 and under. It also might have something to do with the fact that we very rarely get to spend time alone. It also might have something to do with the fact that we are both exhausted...physically and mentally.
So here is the question...at what point to we get over ourselves and get on with our love for each other?
It's a work in progress. Every day needs to be a new start. I say that here, but I really have to implement it into my life. Again, I'm not perfect, so yes...work in progress.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Marriage Class #4
Have you bridged the gender gap?
Well, I suppose it depends on what you mean by "bridging" the gap. Ha ha ha. Okay. All jokes aside.
I'm going to say sometimes.
This is a little more specific than the communication class. It's part of communication, but more detailed. It's the parts of us that make us, well, us, and therefore, how we communicate.
Acknowledging and appreciating the differences between us (you and your spouse) will improve your relationship.
First thought. Really? I have to appreciate what he does differently even if it drives me absolutely batty?
Second thought. Okay. I get it. We are supposed to compliment each other, not be the same. (Uh which is part of the fun part...that we aren't the same)
Okay. We were given a list of things to rank in importance(from 1 to 6) to us (as an individual) and then compare answers.
Beth Jon
Admiration 3 2
Affection 6 5
Commitment 6 6
Companionship 6 5
Conversation 5 3
Financial Support 3 3
Honesty 6 5
Intimacy 5 6
Personal Space 4 4
Respect 6 5
Rootedness 5 3
Security 6 5
Sex 5 6
Shared Activities 3 5
So, we are fairly close on most of them. The biggest difference for us was conversation, rootedness (which basically means stability), and shared activities.
Conversation is probably our biggest challenge. I like to talk. A lot. Gee, can you tell? Anyway. I also have what Jon calls a train wreck of thought. Which means I can talk about 20 different topics during a 5 minute conversation. Which, I sometimes have to explain how I jumped from one subject to another. Jon doesn't always want to talk. He's actually kind-of quiet, so it's a work in progress.
Rootedness, eh. I guess it's important, but not. We agree on this actually. We know that we can weather any storm. That doesn't mean that it's easy, but we can get through anything. You name it, we've been through it.
Shared activities. This is an interesting one. We spend almost all of our time together. Most of the time our activities revolve around the kids. Which we love, and we don't really get time away from them, so it's really just a non-issue at this point. I mean having activities that we share that don't include the kids.
So basically men and women are different. Really? No kidding, but it's nice to have some things pointed out so that they are obvious enough to smack you upside the head when needed.
Men focus on achievement, women focus on relationships.
That's basically true. I am very goal-oriented myself, but my relationships are very important to me as well. I think men often overlook the importance of relationships with people.
What every Husband should know about his Wife:
She needs to be cherished.
She needs to be known (really know her...thank her for sharing).
She needs to be respected.
What every Wife should know about her Husband:
He needs to be admired (although my husband doesn't agree with this).
He needs to have autonomy (which my husband says women need too).
He needs to have shared activities (at this point he said he would rather have the other list).
So moral of this story is that if you meet each others unique needs, then you are on the right path to a better, healthier marriage.
Sounds good to me.
Well, I suppose it depends on what you mean by "bridging" the gap. Ha ha ha. Okay. All jokes aside.
I'm going to say sometimes.
This is a little more specific than the communication class. It's part of communication, but more detailed. It's the parts of us that make us, well, us, and therefore, how we communicate.
Acknowledging and appreciating the differences between us (you and your spouse) will improve your relationship.
First thought. Really? I have to appreciate what he does differently even if it drives me absolutely batty?
Second thought. Okay. I get it. We are supposed to compliment each other, not be the same. (Uh which is part of the fun part...that we aren't the same)
Okay. We were given a list of things to rank in importance(from 1 to 6) to us (as an individual) and then compare answers.
Beth Jon
Admiration 3 2
Affection 6 5
Commitment 6 6
Companionship 6 5
Conversation 5 3
Financial Support 3 3
Honesty 6 5
Intimacy 5 6
Personal Space 4 4
Respect 6 5
Rootedness 5 3
Security 6 5
Sex 5 6
Shared Activities 3 5
So, we are fairly close on most of them. The biggest difference for us was conversation, rootedness (which basically means stability), and shared activities.
Conversation is probably our biggest challenge. I like to talk. A lot. Gee, can you tell? Anyway. I also have what Jon calls a train wreck of thought. Which means I can talk about 20 different topics during a 5 minute conversation. Which, I sometimes have to explain how I jumped from one subject to another. Jon doesn't always want to talk. He's actually kind-of quiet, so it's a work in progress.
Rootedness, eh. I guess it's important, but not. We agree on this actually. We know that we can weather any storm. That doesn't mean that it's easy, but we can get through anything. You name it, we've been through it.
Shared activities. This is an interesting one. We spend almost all of our time together. Most of the time our activities revolve around the kids. Which we love, and we don't really get time away from them, so it's really just a non-issue at this point. I mean having activities that we share that don't include the kids.
So basically men and women are different. Really? No kidding, but it's nice to have some things pointed out so that they are obvious enough to smack you upside the head when needed.
Men focus on achievement, women focus on relationships.
That's basically true. I am very goal-oriented myself, but my relationships are very important to me as well. I think men often overlook the importance of relationships with people.
What every Husband should know about his Wife:
She needs to be cherished.
She needs to be known (really know her...thank her for sharing).
She needs to be respected.
What every Wife should know about her Husband:
He needs to be admired (although my husband doesn't agree with this).
He needs to have autonomy (which my husband says women need too).
He needs to have shared activities (at this point he said he would rather have the other list).
So moral of this story is that if you meet each others unique needs, then you are on the right path to a better, healthier marriage.
Sounds good to me.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Marriage Class #3
Class number 3 = communication, or at least learning how to communicate.
Seems easy.
Not so much.
You can "communicate" all you want, but if you don't understand your spouse's "style" of communication, it gets you nowhere fast.
I think that Benjamin Franklin had it right. "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment."
I, probably like most people, have difficulty with this. It's easy to get snarky and let your filters shut off, and really did I just say that in my out-loud voice? You know what I'm talking about, we've all been there.
Men and women communicate much differently. Well duh, right? Uh, guess not. Because if we KNEW this, and it wasn't an ISSUE, there wouldn't be marriage classes to learn how to COMMUNICATE better.
Here it is. In the most broken down form. For men and for women.
Can you say what you mean and understand what you hear?
I'm 31 years old. I would think that I would be able to put how I feel and what I mean into fairly easy to understand words by now.
Not. So. Much.
I find myself asking more and more, do I need to say this differently to make myself clear? (okay, this sounds way more snotty than intended, but you get the drift)
And no. I don't necessarily understand the words that are coming out of your mouth. As much as I try JUST to listen to your words, I still THINK I know what you mean. Totally not the case. I have to stop and remember that there isn't some underlying meaning to what you just said. Yes. Totally my bad. That's how my brain functions...unfortunately. Umm, hello communication issues!
Which would be why this class is helping!
We learned that there are 3 personal qualities of good communicators.
Warmth = acceptance, and it bolsters confidence.
Genuineness = tone, and what you are doing while you are talking.
Empathy = put yourself in their shoes. Does the person you are talking to understand what you are saying?
And of course. The BIG gender difference. HOW we communicate. Meaning...WOMEN excel in rapport talk. Women want to build rapport with another person, become connected by communicating. MEN excel in report talk. They want the facts, they give the facts and move on.
Really. This is why men "seemingly" don't have anything to talk about. They condense everything into an outline. They went to work and their day was good. Women want to know the details and "feelings" of the day. At work, so and so was wearing this, so and so was late again, this person is having problems with their child, yadda, yadda, yadda.
So if we are clear on what type of communication our spouse is expecting, then we can find the happy medium, and the important things might really be able to be well, communicated!
Well, I know how to talk...onward to communication.
Seems easy.
Not so much.
You can "communicate" all you want, but if you don't understand your spouse's "style" of communication, it gets you nowhere fast.
I think that Benjamin Franklin had it right. "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment."
I, probably like most people, have difficulty with this. It's easy to get snarky and let your filters shut off, and really did I just say that in my out-loud voice? You know what I'm talking about, we've all been there.
Men and women communicate much differently. Well duh, right? Uh, guess not. Because if we KNEW this, and it wasn't an ISSUE, there wouldn't be marriage classes to learn how to COMMUNICATE better.
Here it is. In the most broken down form. For men and for women.
Can you say what you mean and understand what you hear?
I'm 31 years old. I would think that I would be able to put how I feel and what I mean into fairly easy to understand words by now.
Not. So. Much.
I find myself asking more and more, do I need to say this differently to make myself clear? (okay, this sounds way more snotty than intended, but you get the drift)
And no. I don't necessarily understand the words that are coming out of your mouth. As much as I try JUST to listen to your words, I still THINK I know what you mean. Totally not the case. I have to stop and remember that there isn't some underlying meaning to what you just said. Yes. Totally my bad. That's how my brain functions...unfortunately. Umm, hello communication issues!
Which would be why this class is helping!
We learned that there are 3 personal qualities of good communicators.
Warmth = acceptance, and it bolsters confidence.
Genuineness = tone, and what you are doing while you are talking.
Empathy = put yourself in their shoes. Does the person you are talking to understand what you are saying?
And of course. The BIG gender difference. HOW we communicate. Meaning...WOMEN excel in rapport talk. Women want to build rapport with another person, become connected by communicating. MEN excel in report talk. They want the facts, they give the facts and move on.
Really. This is why men "seemingly" don't have anything to talk about. They condense everything into an outline. They went to work and their day was good. Women want to know the details and "feelings" of the day. At work, so and so was wearing this, so and so was late again, this person is having problems with their child, yadda, yadda, yadda.
So if we are clear on what type of communication our spouse is expecting, then we can find the happy medium, and the important things might really be able to be well, communicated!
Well, I know how to talk...onward to communication.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Marriage Class #2
So class #2 ended up being about anger.
We watched a video of the author of the Love Dare speak about anger and how it can affect your life.
I talked a little bit about this in the overview about me and the hubby.
In the video they also featured clips from FIREPROOF the movie. Which I now would love to see. And can I say Kirk Cameron is still totally hot!
Anyway!
Anger. It's a horrible, destructive thing. Believe me, it has it's place, but when you can't let your anger go, it can virtually destroy your life.
We learned how your own personal anger can cause you to shut yourself off from your spouse (and your children). It also causes your spouse (and children) to shut themselves off to you.
With ever present anger, you can't be open to love. You can't allow yourself to love or to be loved.
This was the biggest wake-up call ever.
I was literally crying during the whole video. This was it. This was our problem. We were both so angry, for who even knows why.
It's so very hard to let go of anger. And it's only been a couple of weeks, so it's easy for it to pop in occasionally.
My husband is making a grand effort of letting the old anger go, and not to allow new anger to come in an turn our lives upside down. I am trying to do the same.
Some days it's REALLY HARD not to be angry.
I'm not saying it's bad to have any anger at all, but when it's an ongoing, festering thing, it's really unhealthy.
It's also a change in the way that you need to view each other. It's about getting rid of the things that help foster anger in your life.
We were given handouts with some suggestions on how to push the negativity out. I'm going to share a couple of these with you. There was a handout for husbands, and one for wives. The husband handout was a list of 25 ways to honor your wife (I'm not going to list all of them...some of them are redundant). The wife handout were 3 ways to honor your husband in a life changing way.
Wives:
Honor your husband in your heart. Basically, the way that you inwardly talk about your husband will effect how you feel about him.
Honor your husband to others. Okay...easy. Don't trash talk him. I mean there is always some sort of issue that you may have with your husband, but there is a big difference between telling people you think he's lazy, than if you complain about how you don't understand how his socks get so dirty.
Honor your husband to his face. This one seems like it might be easy, but really, if you're used to being angry at each other, you have to put it in your mind to be nice. There are always multiple ways to say things, try the nice way. (one of the things I REALLY need to work on...honesty doesn't have to be mean)
The point of all of these is to help you view your husband in a better light, and in turn he will feel better about himself, and you.
Husband:
Includes his wife in envisioning the future (team effort!).
Is willing to say "I am sorry" and "forgive me".
Discuss and fairly distribute household responsibilities with his wife.
Seeks the consultation of his wife in everything and about everything.
Follows through with commitments made to his wife.
Initiates meaningful family traditions.
Lets his wife and children into the interior of his life.
Honors his wife in public.
Allows time for his wife to pursue her own private interests.
I think it's all VERY valuable information. I don't think that the wife list is just for the wives and the husband list is just for the husbands. It's important for EVERYONE to make an effort and implement things from both lists.
Some things on the husband list really pertain to me more. I mean, I have always been the one to balance the checkbook and pay the bills. I have made many financial decisions on my own, without consulting Jon. While I feel that I am completely qualified to make the decisions on my own, it's not fair to Jon. He may have a better idea than I do. He may want to be a part of the decision. And quite frankly, if it was him making all of the decisions about our finances and he didn't consult me, I would be ticked.
So lists in hand, and reminders of how not to be angry.
Long. Road. Ahead.
Less arguing on the journey.
We watched a video of the author of the Love Dare speak about anger and how it can affect your life.
I talked a little bit about this in the overview about me and the hubby.
In the video they also featured clips from FIREPROOF the movie. Which I now would love to see. And can I say Kirk Cameron is still totally hot!
Anyway!
Anger. It's a horrible, destructive thing. Believe me, it has it's place, but when you can't let your anger go, it can virtually destroy your life.
We learned how your own personal anger can cause you to shut yourself off from your spouse (and your children). It also causes your spouse (and children) to shut themselves off to you.
With ever present anger, you can't be open to love. You can't allow yourself to love or to be loved.
This was the biggest wake-up call ever.
I was literally crying during the whole video. This was it. This was our problem. We were both so angry, for who even knows why.
It's so very hard to let go of anger. And it's only been a couple of weeks, so it's easy for it to pop in occasionally.
My husband is making a grand effort of letting the old anger go, and not to allow new anger to come in an turn our lives upside down. I am trying to do the same.
Some days it's REALLY HARD not to be angry.
I'm not saying it's bad to have any anger at all, but when it's an ongoing, festering thing, it's really unhealthy.
It's also a change in the way that you need to view each other. It's about getting rid of the things that help foster anger in your life.
We were given handouts with some suggestions on how to push the negativity out. I'm going to share a couple of these with you. There was a handout for husbands, and one for wives. The husband handout was a list of 25 ways to honor your wife (I'm not going to list all of them...some of them are redundant). The wife handout were 3 ways to honor your husband in a life changing way.
Wives:
Honor your husband in your heart. Basically, the way that you inwardly talk about your husband will effect how you feel about him.
Honor your husband to others. Okay...easy. Don't trash talk him. I mean there is always some sort of issue that you may have with your husband, but there is a big difference between telling people you think he's lazy, than if you complain about how you don't understand how his socks get so dirty.
Honor your husband to his face. This one seems like it might be easy, but really, if you're used to being angry at each other, you have to put it in your mind to be nice. There are always multiple ways to say things, try the nice way. (one of the things I REALLY need to work on...honesty doesn't have to be mean)
The point of all of these is to help you view your husband in a better light, and in turn he will feel better about himself, and you.
Husband:
Includes his wife in envisioning the future (team effort!).
Is willing to say "I am sorry" and "forgive me".
Discuss and fairly distribute household responsibilities with his wife.
Seeks the consultation of his wife in everything and about everything.
Follows through with commitments made to his wife.
Initiates meaningful family traditions.
Lets his wife and children into the interior of his life.
Honors his wife in public.
Allows time for his wife to pursue her own private interests.
I think it's all VERY valuable information. I don't think that the wife list is just for the wives and the husband list is just for the husbands. It's important for EVERYONE to make an effort and implement things from both lists.
Some things on the husband list really pertain to me more. I mean, I have always been the one to balance the checkbook and pay the bills. I have made many financial decisions on my own, without consulting Jon. While I feel that I am completely qualified to make the decisions on my own, it's not fair to Jon. He may have a better idea than I do. He may want to be a part of the decision. And quite frankly, if it was him making all of the decisions about our finances and he didn't consult me, I would be ticked.
So lists in hand, and reminders of how not to be angry.
Long. Road. Ahead.
Less arguing on the journey.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Marriage Class #1
So going into this, we had no idea what to expect. We were a little worried seeing as how we were going to a church class.
We are not the most religious people in the world, and we are used to having it crammed down our throats. Jon grew up in a Catholic household, and I grew up in a family with a Baptist background. Hell. Fire. Brimstone.
It was very much a pleasant surprise. It's a non-denominational church, and they really just want people to show up and learn.
Ahhhhh. Relief!
So. Marriage class. Now what?
We learned about the Five Love Languages written by Gary Chapman. I had heard about it, but never picked up the book or went to the website.
The Five Love Languages are:
Words of Affirmation: verbal compliments, encouraging words, kind words, humble words.
Quality Time: togetherness, focused attention, quality conversation, quality activities.
Receiving Gifts: gifts are visual symbols purchased, the gift of self.
Acts of Service: helping your mate, using a positive spirit, household chores.
Physical Touch: time to touch/hold, holding hands, hugging, kissing, sexual touch.
The exercise was to rank these of importance to you (from 1 to 5), and then guess your spouse's order of importance, then compare what the answers actually are.
It's actually really interesting to see how your spouse ranks them as opposed to what you think they would rate them.
Beth's Ranking Jon's Ranking
Words of Affirmation Physical Touch
Quality Time Quality Time
Physical Touch Acts of Service
Acts of Service Words of Affirmation
Receiving Gifts Receiving Gifts
So, as you can see, it differs a little bit for us. I didn't really expect Jon to rank them as he did, but that's the beauty of the exercise. You get to find out how your spouse ACTUALLY feels.
It has made a big difference. I think we understand so much more about each other now that we know what is important to make us feel loved by each other.
Men and women are so different. I think that the rankings above prove that. If we try to meet our spouse's needs, then our own needs will in turn be met.
Now that sounds all nice and neat and wrapped up in a little bow. (Maybe even a Tiffany blue box with white satin ribbon).
It's not really that easy, but if you have something to remind yourself about your differences, it makes it easier to try to speak in your spouse's language.
All that being said, our marriage is still a work in progress, but this really helped re-open the door of communication.
You can take your own assessment here!
We are not the most religious people in the world, and we are used to having it crammed down our throats. Jon grew up in a Catholic household, and I grew up in a family with a Baptist background. Hell. Fire. Brimstone.
It was very much a pleasant surprise. It's a non-denominational church, and they really just want people to show up and learn.
Ahhhhh. Relief!
So. Marriage class. Now what?
We learned about the Five Love Languages written by Gary Chapman. I had heard about it, but never picked up the book or went to the website.
The Five Love Languages are:
Words of Affirmation: verbal compliments, encouraging words, kind words, humble words.
Quality Time: togetherness, focused attention, quality conversation, quality activities.
Receiving Gifts: gifts are visual symbols purchased, the gift of self.
Acts of Service: helping your mate, using a positive spirit, household chores.
Physical Touch: time to touch/hold, holding hands, hugging, kissing, sexual touch.
The exercise was to rank these of importance to you (from 1 to 5), and then guess your spouse's order of importance, then compare what the answers actually are.
It's actually really interesting to see how your spouse ranks them as opposed to what you think they would rate them.
Beth's Ranking Jon's Ranking
Words of Affirmation Physical Touch
Quality Time Quality Time
Physical Touch Acts of Service
Acts of Service Words of Affirmation
Receiving Gifts Receiving Gifts
So, as you can see, it differs a little bit for us. I didn't really expect Jon to rank them as he did, but that's the beauty of the exercise. You get to find out how your spouse ACTUALLY feels.
It has made a big difference. I think we understand so much more about each other now that we know what is important to make us feel loved by each other.
Men and women are so different. I think that the rankings above prove that. If we try to meet our spouse's needs, then our own needs will in turn be met.
Now that sounds all nice and neat and wrapped up in a little bow. (Maybe even a Tiffany blue box with white satin ribbon).
It's not really that easy, but if you have something to remind yourself about your differences, it makes it easier to try to speak in your spouse's language.
All that being said, our marriage is still a work in progress, but this really helped re-open the door of communication.
You can take your own assessment here!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)