This weekend Grandma came to town, so Jon and I had our first reconnection/nurture your marriage date!
We did this Saturday afternoon. Granted, we did do some errands while we were out, but honestly, I'm not sure that it matters what we did, just that we were spending ALONE time together.
We went out to lunch. Nothing special, we went to Swenson's for some burgers and fries. They have REALLY good burgers. It was really nice to eat without worrying about shoveling food into the kids as well!
We then went to Men's Warehouse so that Jon could spend his $50 rewards gift certificate. I will not tell you how much you have to spend to get a $50 rewards gift card....it's obscene, but totally and well deserved. He got a nice shirt to wear on another one of our dates. I promise that once we go on that date, I will make sure that a picture is taken and post it! =)
Then we did the errand portion of our date. Jon needs to get a new vehicle since we are now going to be a family of 5. Three car seats will NOT fit in his car, so he has been researching and we took the opportunity to go do the "car seat test". Let's just say he may actually have to get an SUV and not a car, so he's back to the research board on that one.
Even though our "date" wasn't just recreational, it was WONDERFUL to spend time alone together. So while I know our "dates" will not always be without purpose or function for some other part of our life, like buying diapers or grocery shopping (okay...honestly I don't know about the buying groceries part), as long as we can go do the errands and have some time alone together, I think it will do the trick!
So first date SUCCESSFUL!!!!! YAY!
I'm already looking forward to the next one!
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Monday, May 31, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Operation Reconnection - Some research
So, since Operation Reconnection is in full swing, I've been consistently looking for ideas and advice on how to keep everything going (and in perspective).
I came along this article that suggests 5 fixes for a stronger relationship. I was curious, so I checked it out.
You know, they can put all kinds of crap out there. I guess at least it was entertaining (sort of) to read.
It's a list of 5 things according to extra time that you have. Okay, first of all, I know the concept of extra time is, well, there isn't any extra time....but wait. It gets better....and more ridiculous.
Disclaimer: I am in no way, shape, or form an expert. I just have some strong opinions, so here goes.
If you have 10 seconds.....hit pause. Okay what? Yes. It says hit pause on whatever it is you and he are doing and just look at him. Pretend that you are in his shoes, or think about the way he was when you first met him. The example they gave was to hit pause when you are trying to cattle prod him out of the house because you are running late. It says that if you pause for 10 seconds that it gives you time to realize that maybe he's had a hard week at work, or maybe he doesn't want to be doing whatever it is you are on your way to go do...and that a couple of minutes really isn't worth getting upset over. On the other hand, if he's actually a jerk and a pain, then you tried, right? Yeah....okay. I think I may actually have to try this myself just to see what pops into my head.
If you have one minute....embrace each other gently and gently synchronize your breathing with his. Bwahahahaha! What? Are you kidding me? I suppose that this is an exercise in which you are to focus on each other and make a connection. Seriously, can't this be done just by hugging. Like a regular hug, without having to synchronizing your breathing?
If you have 2 minutes...write down three things that he's done lately that you appreciate, and then leave the list for him to read (or email it, or text it). Okay. I can see how this would work. Maybe I will give this one a try too.
If you have 3 minutes...sitting or standing close to him, start moving your body in a way that mimics him. What? It's something about being fun (uh...I can think of other fun things to do in 3 minutes) and activating your "empathy circuits". Uh, yeah. If anyone is willing to do this, will you please let me know how it works for you?
If you have 5 minutes....try a daily forgiveness ritual. The article actually suggests telling him (and him telling you) that you forgive the other for either knowingly or unknowingly ticking you off. Really? It says that it's "like a shot of immunity from fighting". I think I'm feeling sick. I don't even have anything nice to say about this. If I have 5 minutes alone with my husband...I'd rather be doing something else that takes longer than 5 minutes! Okay, I'd take a 5 minute cuddle if that's all we had.
I have something that might just be better than all of these "suggestions". Why don't you just be nice and considerate of each other? Make an effort for that quick kiss or hug. I know that I've been trying that...and it seems to be helping. =)
So, maybe let's just keep it simple and see how that works.
I came along this article that suggests 5 fixes for a stronger relationship. I was curious, so I checked it out.
You know, they can put all kinds of crap out there. I guess at least it was entertaining (sort of) to read.
It's a list of 5 things according to extra time that you have. Okay, first of all, I know the concept of extra time is, well, there isn't any extra time....but wait. It gets better....and more ridiculous.
Disclaimer: I am in no way, shape, or form an expert. I just have some strong opinions, so here goes.
If you have 10 seconds.....hit pause. Okay what? Yes. It says hit pause on whatever it is you and he are doing and just look at him. Pretend that you are in his shoes, or think about the way he was when you first met him. The example they gave was to hit pause when you are trying to cattle prod him out of the house because you are running late. It says that if you pause for 10 seconds that it gives you time to realize that maybe he's had a hard week at work, or maybe he doesn't want to be doing whatever it is you are on your way to go do...and that a couple of minutes really isn't worth getting upset over. On the other hand, if he's actually a jerk and a pain, then you tried, right? Yeah....okay. I think I may actually have to try this myself just to see what pops into my head.
If you have one minute....embrace each other gently and gently synchronize your breathing with his. Bwahahahaha! What? Are you kidding me? I suppose that this is an exercise in which you are to focus on each other and make a connection. Seriously, can't this be done just by hugging. Like a regular hug, without having to synchronizing your breathing?
If you have 2 minutes...write down three things that he's done lately that you appreciate, and then leave the list for him to read (or email it, or text it). Okay. I can see how this would work. Maybe I will give this one a try too.
If you have 3 minutes...sitting or standing close to him, start moving your body in a way that mimics him. What? It's something about being fun (uh...I can think of other fun things to do in 3 minutes) and activating your "empathy circuits". Uh, yeah. If anyone is willing to do this, will you please let me know how it works for you?
If you have 5 minutes....try a daily forgiveness ritual. The article actually suggests telling him (and him telling you) that you forgive the other for either knowingly or unknowingly ticking you off. Really? It says that it's "like a shot of immunity from fighting". I think I'm feeling sick. I don't even have anything nice to say about this. If I have 5 minutes alone with my husband...I'd rather be doing something else that takes longer than 5 minutes! Okay, I'd take a 5 minute cuddle if that's all we had.
I have something that might just be better than all of these "suggestions". Why don't you just be nice and considerate of each other? Make an effort for that quick kiss or hug. I know that I've been trying that...and it seems to be helping. =)
So, maybe let's just keep it simple and see how that works.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Operation Reconnection - The "Fun" Stuff
So I think that you can guess what I'm talking about when I say "fun" stuff.
If you can't, it's sex.
Don't worry, I won't get graphic. If you wanted me to, you're in the wrong place for that. =)
Since Jon and I have been together for almost 14 years, I would say that we have the whole sex thing down. We know what we're doing (obviously since I'm about to give birth to our third child).
Here's the thing though.
Just because we know what we're doing, doesn't mean that it's not routine. Meaning, that at some point it has to be more than Tab A and Slot B. Or Tab P and Slot V....hahahaha. Okay, not that funny...but it's a little funny.
So it's not that it's not fun, it's not that it isn't or hasn't been good, but when you have been with someone for a long time it turns into a routine. Not to mention, when you have two small children and one on the way (and a dog) it tends to be...oh hey, we have 15 minutes....meet you upstairs. It's just where our life is right now, and this was part of why we are/were having relationship issues.
Just because you do it, does not mean that you are connected. (I know that some people may say it can keep your relationship going, but I have to disagree...at least a little bit).
Before I went to visit my counselor recently, I had actually told my husband that I was just doing it to "throw him a bone". We've all been there. We all do it now and then...we just want to sit and not do ANYTHING, but we know that is what THEY want, so we do it.
I wasn't feeling connected to him because there was NO romance involved. And by romance, I mean there was literally no touching outside of sexy time. No hand holding...very little kissing. No compassion for each other. So I really wasn't feeling it. And every time he DID touch me (in any way) I felt that what he wanted was a little something something. HE wasn't feeling connected because I wasn't really into it.
Ugh....it's a horrible cycle. We (as women) need to feel loved to be into (I mean really into) sexy time. They need us to be into it to feel loved. Who the heck designed it this way???? ANYWAY! That's the way it is. We have to work with what we have so that we can continue to love ourselves, our husbands....and sexy time!
So my counselor suggested that we get rid of sex. Yes. You heard me. Not permanently, but just for awhile. She suggested that we just take it off of the table (or bed...or where-ever) until after baby #3 was born and I got the go-ahead from the doctor afterward. Don't worry, there's more to it than just not having sex. She said if we take sex out of the picture, we could learn to be more passionate with each other. We could learn to hold hands, and kiss, and hug, and all of those other wonderful relationship things WITHOUT feeling obligated to have sex. It kind-of seemed weird at first, but once I thought about it, it TOTALLY made sense. I brought it up to Jon when discussing the whole nurturing our marriage conversation. He was NOT thrilled with this idea at first, but he did reluctantly agree.
Guess what?
Totally genius.
It worked.
And it only took a week.
I know that my counselor suggested starting right away and not having sexy time until after the baby, but honestly, it really did only take about a week before I was feeling reconnected to my husband (much to his delightful surprise). And he wants to show more affection. We are both getting what we need from our marriage to make sure that we feel loved...so that we can continue to nurture our marriage as a whole....not just parts of it.
Now, I know that there are times and issues that are involved when the physical part of a marriage can't function properly. I have had this issue (part of why I have been in physical therapy for so long). All I have to say is that having children does NOT have to change the fun stuff. It CAN be the way it was before. You DON'T have to live with it, and you SHOULDN'T. It can be fixed. It can even be BETTER than it was before (yes, yes it can). I never knew this before I met my physical therapist. Because my life has been affected by pregnancy and childbirth (and improved by physical therapy) I am choosing to help other women as my career as a physical therapy assistant. I want other women to know they are NOT the only ones, and that it is TEMPORARY. So if you think this may be part of your problem, just know that it doesn't have to be.
So, yes. We have the fun stuff back! I'm excited about that, and so is Jon. Now we just have to survive the sleep deprivation that baby #3 will be bringing....
Also, my friend does a series on Fridays which is not only funny, but gives a lot of good advice. Check it out! Just click on the Let's Get Physical below and look for the Physical Friday series on her blog!
If you can't, it's sex.
Don't worry, I won't get graphic. If you wanted me to, you're in the wrong place for that. =)
Since Jon and I have been together for almost 14 years, I would say that we have the whole sex thing down. We know what we're doing (obviously since I'm about to give birth to our third child).
Here's the thing though.
Just because we know what we're doing, doesn't mean that it's not routine. Meaning, that at some point it has to be more than Tab A and Slot B. Or Tab P and Slot V....hahahaha. Okay, not that funny...but it's a little funny.
So it's not that it's not fun, it's not that it isn't or hasn't been good, but when you have been with someone for a long time it turns into a routine. Not to mention, when you have two small children and one on the way (and a dog) it tends to be...oh hey, we have 15 minutes....meet you upstairs. It's just where our life is right now, and this was part of why we are/were having relationship issues.
Just because you do it, does not mean that you are connected. (I know that some people may say it can keep your relationship going, but I have to disagree...at least a little bit).
Before I went to visit my counselor recently, I had actually told my husband that I was just doing it to "throw him a bone". We've all been there. We all do it now and then...we just want to sit and not do ANYTHING, but we know that is what THEY want, so we do it.
I wasn't feeling connected to him because there was NO romance involved. And by romance, I mean there was literally no touching outside of sexy time. No hand holding...very little kissing. No compassion for each other. So I really wasn't feeling it. And every time he DID touch me (in any way) I felt that what he wanted was a little something something. HE wasn't feeling connected because I wasn't really into it.
Ugh....it's a horrible cycle. We (as women) need to feel loved to be into (I mean really into) sexy time. They need us to be into it to feel loved. Who the heck designed it this way???? ANYWAY! That's the way it is. We have to work with what we have so that we can continue to love ourselves, our husbands....and sexy time!
So my counselor suggested that we get rid of sex. Yes. You heard me. Not permanently, but just for awhile. She suggested that we just take it off of the table (or bed...or where-ever) until after baby #3 was born and I got the go-ahead from the doctor afterward. Don't worry, there's more to it than just not having sex. She said if we take sex out of the picture, we could learn to be more passionate with each other. We could learn to hold hands, and kiss, and hug, and all of those other wonderful relationship things WITHOUT feeling obligated to have sex. It kind-of seemed weird at first, but once I thought about it, it TOTALLY made sense. I brought it up to Jon when discussing the whole nurturing our marriage conversation. He was NOT thrilled with this idea at first, but he did reluctantly agree.
Guess what?
Totally genius.
It worked.
And it only took a week.
I know that my counselor suggested starting right away and not having sexy time until after the baby, but honestly, it really did only take about a week before I was feeling reconnected to my husband (much to his delightful surprise). And he wants to show more affection. We are both getting what we need from our marriage to make sure that we feel loved...so that we can continue to nurture our marriage as a whole....not just parts of it.
Now, I know that there are times and issues that are involved when the physical part of a marriage can't function properly. I have had this issue (part of why I have been in physical therapy for so long). All I have to say is that having children does NOT have to change the fun stuff. It CAN be the way it was before. You DON'T have to live with it, and you SHOULDN'T. It can be fixed. It can even be BETTER than it was before (yes, yes it can). I never knew this before I met my physical therapist. Because my life has been affected by pregnancy and childbirth (and improved by physical therapy) I am choosing to help other women as my career as a physical therapy assistant. I want other women to know they are NOT the only ones, and that it is TEMPORARY. So if you think this may be part of your problem, just know that it doesn't have to be.
So, yes. We have the fun stuff back! I'm excited about that, and so is Jon. Now we just have to survive the sleep deprivation that baby #3 will be bringing....
Also, my friend does a series on Fridays which is not only funny, but gives a lot of good advice. Check it out! Just click on the Let's Get Physical below and look for the Physical Friday series on her blog!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
The saga of my mother...one of many.
Okay, so I've been trying to write a post about my mother for days now. I have tried this at my husbands suggestion. He seems to think that it will be cleansing for me. I think that it's blocking my creative writing.
I can't come up with the right thing to say. I mean, I don't think that I can accurately sum up the whole thing in one tiny blog post. And I don't have much emotion about the subject as a whole.
This is almost like a dead subject to me. No pun intended. That means that my mother is dying of cancer (three different kinds at this point) and really is on borrowed time.
Before you start to feel sad for me, please don't. If I had any LESS of a relationship with my mother, it would totally be non-existent.
I'm not saying that our relationship has always been this bad. It hasn't. There have actually been times in my life that it has been okay....all of which only existed AFTER I moved out. So since I have been living with Jon for the last 12ish years, I would say that maybe 6 of those would include having a somewhat non-hateful relationship with my mom.
Hey, you don't always win the lottery in the parent pool. I didn't win. I spent a lot of my time being angry about it. I spent even more time wishing for a mom that I was never going to have. So I got over being angry. She is the way she is, and she has been for 66 years, she's not going to change now, so I (and in turn my husband) deal with what we have to the best of our abilities.
Our relationship took it's last turn after Munchkin was born. You would think that having a grandchild would do wonders to boost someone's mood and well-being. Apparently not. They (my parents) wanted us to bring Munchkin over to their house. We didn't want to do that because, no lie, they are hoarders. As bad as you see on TV. Actually, I have pictures that were taken in early November of 2007...it's MUCH worse now. This is why I refused to take my daughter to their house.
Dining room looking through to the rest of the ground level.
I told them if they wanted her to come over, they had to clean up, and they didn't. So we told them that they were more than welcome to come to our house ANY TIME. We even gave them an open and standing invitation to come over for brunch on Sunday mornings. They did not take advantage of this. Then approaching Munchkin's first birthday, I was getting word that my mother was talking about us (pretty much me specifically) behind my back. She was telling people that I wouldn't let them see their granddaughter....among other not-so-nice things (all of which was totally not true). And it was coming from people that didn't have any other agenda than telling me the truth. This was not the first time in my life that she was running her mouth, but this WAS the first time that I stood up for myself. I told her that I didn't appreciate it, and it wasn't acceptable behavior. We didn't hear from them for about 6 months....AT ALL. Yeah. I know.
I finally saw them for the first time when I was about 6 months pregnant with the Little Man. It sort-of got the relationship ball rolling again, but things have been very strained since then.
The day I had Little Man, they insisted coming to the hospital and sitting all day. They were there for the Munchkin, and much by accident my mom ended up being in the room for the delivery, which is NOT what I wanted, but my daughter decided to make her arrival VERY quickly. So everyone that was there, got to witness me give birth. So, I guess she felt entitled to see Little Man make his entrance. I told the nursing staff to keep her out (which they did) and my mother turned the birth of MY son into something about her. She raised hell and literally berated the nursing staff, my husband (by a nasty voicemail message from my father), and my two of my best friends (who I wanted to be there). My husband shot out of that room as soon as we heard what was going on. I don't know what was said, but apparently she apologized to everyone.....EXCEPT FOR ME! My dad came in and tried to make excuses...I told him that this wasn't about her, and bad behavior of ANY kind wasn't acceptable, and they could leave if the attitude didn't change. Yeah, still haven't gotten an apology for that one (and I won't....ever).
So this brings me to now. Which, by the way, they maybe see the kids once a month....it's actually less often than that I think.
On Mother's Day....my THIRD ONE that I have NOT been able to do what I have wanted (okay, yes, I know this is selfish, but really, all I ever have wanted to do is spend a nice day with my husband and my kids....and nobody else!), we had my family over for dinner (my parents, my brother, sister-in-law, and their kids). I decided that we would have them for dinner because it really will be my mom's last Mother's Day, and my brother HATES having functions at his house. Yes, he's weird, and yes, it's annoying. He threw such a fit about actually doing something last year, I just thought it would be a nice gesture to have it at our house.
Long story short....we (meaning Jon and I) were basically ignored in our own house (yes, by pretty much everyone, but they always pay attention to the kids). There was complaining that the kids didn't want to play with them (mainly by my parents)....hello, they barely know who you are!....there were snarky comments made to my 18 year old niece (by my mother) who is just shy of 5 months pregnant....and then the subject of Baby #3's impending birth came up.
CRAP.
My dad said, "keep us apprised of the situation, we want to be there". Yes. This is actually what he said. He's just full of weird and awkward sayings. I said, "we are asking that no one come to the hospital until the day after the birth".
My parents looked at me like I was nuts.
Once second my mom said, "well, that will be nice to be able to bring him into the world as a couple"......and then she said, "well, your friend can just be there and take over like she did the last time!". I looked straight at her and said, "No one will be there. No one." She actually rolled her eyes at me.
Yes, my best friend will be there...I don't really care if my parents find out or not, but they don't need to know that at this point.
And THAT made me regret the decision to try and be nice about it. I should have just told them with the way that they behaved when Little Man was born, got them an automatic un-invite to the hospital. Stupid me for not wanting to be mean about it.
Guess what? I haven't heard from them since. I don't think we'll hear from or see them until Newbie is born (if I decide to call). Yes. Mean, I know, but at this point, really? You get what you give. I want to protect my children from insanity like that too much to let my parents behave like that around us.
So that was my Mother's Day. I'm glad that I will never have to host another one like that ever again. Yes. Sad to hear, I know. I'm okay with it. I've accepted the fact that my mom will not be here....and it will be soon that she will pass, I'm sure. I've already grieved though. A LONG time ago. I have grieved the relationship that was never had. I have grieved the mom that I wanted that I didn't get.
I'm good.
What I CAN do is be the best mom to MY kids that I can be. I can give them what I always wanted and never got. I have the will to be a better person for my kids and give them a better life than I had.
These are the only pictures that I have (and possibly even exist) of my mother and I, which were taken at the point our relationship was at it's best.
I can't come up with the right thing to say. I mean, I don't think that I can accurately sum up the whole thing in one tiny blog post. And I don't have much emotion about the subject as a whole.
This is almost like a dead subject to me. No pun intended. That means that my mother is dying of cancer (three different kinds at this point) and really is on borrowed time.
Before you start to feel sad for me, please don't. If I had any LESS of a relationship with my mother, it would totally be non-existent.
I'm not saying that our relationship has always been this bad. It hasn't. There have actually been times in my life that it has been okay....all of which only existed AFTER I moved out. So since I have been living with Jon for the last 12ish years, I would say that maybe 6 of those would include having a somewhat non-hateful relationship with my mom.
Hey, you don't always win the lottery in the parent pool. I didn't win. I spent a lot of my time being angry about it. I spent even more time wishing for a mom that I was never going to have. So I got over being angry. She is the way she is, and she has been for 66 years, she's not going to change now, so I (and in turn my husband) deal with what we have to the best of our abilities.
Our relationship took it's last turn after Munchkin was born. You would think that having a grandchild would do wonders to boost someone's mood and well-being. Apparently not. They (my parents) wanted us to bring Munchkin over to their house. We didn't want to do that because, no lie, they are hoarders. As bad as you see on TV. Actually, I have pictures that were taken in early November of 2007...it's MUCH worse now. This is why I refused to take my daughter to their house.
Dining room looking through to the rest of the ground level.
Completely blocked front doorway/entry.
The bedroom.
I told them if they wanted her to come over, they had to clean up, and they didn't. So we told them that they were more than welcome to come to our house ANY TIME. We even gave them an open and standing invitation to come over for brunch on Sunday mornings. They did not take advantage of this. Then approaching Munchkin's first birthday, I was getting word that my mother was talking about us (pretty much me specifically) behind my back. She was telling people that I wouldn't let them see their granddaughter....among other not-so-nice things (all of which was totally not true). And it was coming from people that didn't have any other agenda than telling me the truth. This was not the first time in my life that she was running her mouth, but this WAS the first time that I stood up for myself. I told her that I didn't appreciate it, and it wasn't acceptable behavior. We didn't hear from them for about 6 months....AT ALL. Yeah. I know.
I finally saw them for the first time when I was about 6 months pregnant with the Little Man. It sort-of got the relationship ball rolling again, but things have been very strained since then.
The day I had Little Man, they insisted coming to the hospital and sitting all day. They were there for the Munchkin, and much by accident my mom ended up being in the room for the delivery, which is NOT what I wanted, but my daughter decided to make her arrival VERY quickly. So everyone that was there, got to witness me give birth. So, I guess she felt entitled to see Little Man make his entrance. I told the nursing staff to keep her out (which they did) and my mother turned the birth of MY son into something about her. She raised hell and literally berated the nursing staff, my husband (by a nasty voicemail message from my father), and my two of my best friends (who I wanted to be there). My husband shot out of that room as soon as we heard what was going on. I don't know what was said, but apparently she apologized to everyone.....EXCEPT FOR ME! My dad came in and tried to make excuses...I told him that this wasn't about her, and bad behavior of ANY kind wasn't acceptable, and they could leave if the attitude didn't change. Yeah, still haven't gotten an apology for that one (and I won't....ever).
So this brings me to now. Which, by the way, they maybe see the kids once a month....it's actually less often than that I think.
On Mother's Day....my THIRD ONE that I have NOT been able to do what I have wanted (okay, yes, I know this is selfish, but really, all I ever have wanted to do is spend a nice day with my husband and my kids....and nobody else!), we had my family over for dinner (my parents, my brother, sister-in-law, and their kids). I decided that we would have them for dinner because it really will be my mom's last Mother's Day, and my brother HATES having functions at his house. Yes, he's weird, and yes, it's annoying. He threw such a fit about actually doing something last year, I just thought it would be a nice gesture to have it at our house.
Long story short....we (meaning Jon and I) were basically ignored in our own house (yes, by pretty much everyone, but they always pay attention to the kids). There was complaining that the kids didn't want to play with them (mainly by my parents)....hello, they barely know who you are!....there were snarky comments made to my 18 year old niece (by my mother) who is just shy of 5 months pregnant....and then the subject of Baby #3's impending birth came up.
CRAP.
My dad said, "keep us apprised of the situation, we want to be there". Yes. This is actually what he said. He's just full of weird and awkward sayings. I said, "we are asking that no one come to the hospital until the day after the birth".
My parents looked at me like I was nuts.
Once second my mom said, "well, that will be nice to be able to bring him into the world as a couple"......and then she said, "well, your friend can just be there and take over like she did the last time!". I looked straight at her and said, "No one will be there. No one." She actually rolled her eyes at me.
Yes, my best friend will be there...I don't really care if my parents find out or not, but they don't need to know that at this point.
And THAT made me regret the decision to try and be nice about it. I should have just told them with the way that they behaved when Little Man was born, got them an automatic un-invite to the hospital. Stupid me for not wanting to be mean about it.
Guess what? I haven't heard from them since. I don't think we'll hear from or see them until Newbie is born (if I decide to call). Yes. Mean, I know, but at this point, really? You get what you give. I want to protect my children from insanity like that too much to let my parents behave like that around us.
So that was my Mother's Day. I'm glad that I will never have to host another one like that ever again. Yes. Sad to hear, I know. I'm okay with it. I've accepted the fact that my mom will not be here....and it will be soon that she will pass, I'm sure. I've already grieved though. A LONG time ago. I have grieved the relationship that was never had. I have grieved the mom that I wanted that I didn't get.
I'm good.
What I CAN do is be the best mom to MY kids that I can be. I can give them what I always wanted and never got. I have the will to be a better person for my kids and give them a better life than I had.
These are the only pictures that I have (and possibly even exist) of my mother and I, which were taken at the point our relationship was at it's best.
My wedding day. December 15, 2003
December 2005
One of the MANY pictures I already have a me and my babies!!!!
So I guess this is the way the story of my mother is going to be. Spotty and not told in one sitting. I can't just sit and tell the story from beginning to end because it's just too messy. The best I can do is explain it as it comes up. I suppose at some point there will be a whole story here, it just may take awhile.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Operation Reconnection
So I left you with the stay tuned message about what the next step in making my marriage better might be.
While we didn't really have an opportunity to sit down and talk about it over the weekend, we did, however, have about two and a half hours to sit and talk to each other yesterday due to an unplanned trip to the hospital (don't worry, everyone is fine...seems like if you have so much as a sniffle when you are pregnant they just send you into the hospital). So yes. We got time to sit and talk, just the two of us while in the OB triage. Not exactly what we were planning on, but it did the trick.
We did make the decision that when his mom comes to visit (she obviously lives out of town, and comes to visit about once a month) that we will take an afternoon, or an evening and go spend time with each other. We have talked about doing this, but it hasn't really happened as of yet. Jon has promised that he will make sure that this happens (or in other words, let his mom know so she expects it, and isn't surprised that we all of a sudden have plans away from the house).
We have always felt guilt about the possibility of getting a sitter on the weekend just to go out. Well, now we know that we that is what we should have been doing all along. It's actually really perfect if we take the opportunity when his mom is here because when Grandma is here, the kids don't see anyone but her. We call it Grandma blinders. Which we both totally love...we love the fact that our kids love her so much, and that she loves them so much. Unfortunately this is not the case for my parents...I will be getting to that story soon enough. So, really, the kids won't even notice if we are gone for a couple of hours.
Honestly, our relationship has even improved over the short couple of days since I initially approached the subject of taking more time with and for each other with Jon. We are recommitting ourselves to making our marriage a priority. Even though we were sitting in the hospital yesterday (with me wearing a VERY fabulous gown) we were ENJOYING each others company! We are looking to hopefully enjoy and embrace every opportunity that we have to be just the two of us and reconnect (and if you can find the opportunity to reconnect in a hospital, you can find it anywhere!).
I know it hasn't been long, but it's better already! I'm really looking forward to this journey with my husband to get back to where we should have stayed all along.
While we didn't really have an opportunity to sit down and talk about it over the weekend, we did, however, have about two and a half hours to sit and talk to each other yesterday due to an unplanned trip to the hospital (don't worry, everyone is fine...seems like if you have so much as a sniffle when you are pregnant they just send you into the hospital). So yes. We got time to sit and talk, just the two of us while in the OB triage. Not exactly what we were planning on, but it did the trick.
We did make the decision that when his mom comes to visit (she obviously lives out of town, and comes to visit about once a month) that we will take an afternoon, or an evening and go spend time with each other. We have talked about doing this, but it hasn't really happened as of yet. Jon has promised that he will make sure that this happens (or in other words, let his mom know so she expects it, and isn't surprised that we all of a sudden have plans away from the house).
We have always felt guilt about the possibility of getting a sitter on the weekend just to go out. Well, now we know that we that is what we should have been doing all along. It's actually really perfect if we take the opportunity when his mom is here because when Grandma is here, the kids don't see anyone but her. We call it Grandma blinders. Which we both totally love...we love the fact that our kids love her so much, and that she loves them so much. Unfortunately this is not the case for my parents...I will be getting to that story soon enough. So, really, the kids won't even notice if we are gone for a couple of hours.
Honestly, our relationship has even improved over the short couple of days since I initially approached the subject of taking more time with and for each other with Jon. We are recommitting ourselves to making our marriage a priority. Even though we were sitting in the hospital yesterday (with me wearing a VERY fabulous gown) we were ENJOYING each others company! We are looking to hopefully enjoy and embrace every opportunity that we have to be just the two of us and reconnect (and if you can find the opportunity to reconnect in a hospital, you can find it anywhere!).
I know it hasn't been long, but it's better already! I'm really looking forward to this journey with my husband to get back to where we should have stayed all along.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Nurture your marriage the way you nurture your chilldren
Nurture your marriage the way you nurture your children.
This is THE MOST fabulous advice I have received in a long time.
This is a subject that my husband and I have had difficulty with for some time.
This is the story about WHY I need this advice.
WARNING: This could be the longest blog post in history.
Our marriage drastically changed once we started having children...and not in a good way. This is something that we have literally been struggling with for 3 long years.
Before we had children, Jon and I were best friends.
We had a GREAT relationship. We rarely fought at all.
We really didn't have any issues with each other. We could go places and do things without a care in the world (relatively speaking...because we had two dogs).
We traveled...A LOT. We went out all the time. We hardly EVER did anything without the other person (we WANTED to spend all of our time together).
Then we decided it was time to start having children. I think that it really changed once we found out we were pregnant with the Munchkin. I have long said this...my life changed immediately, while Jon continued on the way he was. As women, we give up so much of ourselves to have children. We give up our lifestyle. We give up our bodies. We give up our freedom. And the change is immediate once we find out that we are pregnant. Men don't have to give up anything. I gave up smoking, he didn't. I gave up drinking, he didn't. I had to give up eating certain random things, he didn't. (I know that the whole giving up smoking and drinking thing would seem like a no-brainer, but I know many people who have not while they are pregnant.) We had made the decision to have children TOGETHER, but here I was making many DRASTIC life changes by myself.
It got MUCH worse after Munchkin actually arrived. I tried to breastfeed....that didn't work too well. I was doing most of the care-taking by myself. I was struggling very hard to figure out how to take care of this little person AND myself. Jon continued on....like nothing was really different. I am NOT saying he didn't do anything, because he did. He did change diapers, he did feed her, he did bathe her, but I felt that it was because I had to ASK him to. He continued to hang out with his friends and do the drinking thing, and the smoking thing (like I couldn't tell....) and I was angry about it. I had made all of these lifestyle changes (and believe me...there were many arguments about me not changing fast enough...ironic if you ask me) and he had made none. It was and is a double standard. I went to him and told him how I felt, and he basically threw his hands up and said if he ignored it, it would go away. In his opinion, he was still the same person he had always been, and I was the one who had changed (hello, my point exactly), and that it was my problem to fix. And so, the problem continued on.
We did limp along...but all of our focus was on our baby girl. We love her more than words and life itself. We did NOT focus any attention on each other...just on the Munchkin. Hind-sight is always 20/20....we should have been focusing on our marriage just as diligently as we were our daughter. We continued fighting off and on...same argument..but it got worse, and mean. Very mean. Despite all of this we decided that we wanted to start trying to have another baby. It was a happy thing when we found out we were pregnant again, but the same problems kept following us (go figure...you don't solve the problem, it doesn't go away)...and we kept limping along.
The second pregnancy was EXTREMELY difficult. Much to my dismay, my body endured A LOT of damage during my pregnancy with the Munchkin that I was not aware of. By the time I was 12 weeks pregnant with the Little Man, I was in physical therapy (and have been ever since). There are SO many things that can happen to your body when you are pregnant....I'm wondering why NO ONE tells us this. And believe it or not...it's NOT normal, and you DON'T have to live with it. There is a silver lining that came out of this situation...I am now in school to be a Physical Therapy Assistant, and I have a job waiting for me when I get done with school working with a fabulous Physical Therapist who is a WOMAN'S HEALTH SPECIALIST. Because we DON'T have to live with it, and it CAN get better!!!! During my pregnancy with Little Man, I was put on bed-rest, and long story short, it was horrible and stressful, and we were all VERY glad when he arrived. The pregnancy did, however, put even more stress on our marriage. I NEEDED to depend on him...and he DID pick up a lot of the housework and things I couldn't do, but he seemed resentful of the whole situation.
So here we were with two children, and our marriage was still on the back burner. After Little Man was born, we went through a period of several months which almost ended our marriage. I won't go into details...and I know that I probably should tell the whole story, but honestly, I can't. At this point, I demanded to go to counseling. Jon agreed. We started seeing a counselor, which helped, but I was still under an incredible amount of stress, and I was feeling overwhelmed, and I was having trouble sleeping, so I started taking happy pills. This made a SIGNIFICANT difference for me. I was able to function SO much better, but it didn't fix things between Jon and I.....even with counseling. It did get better, but nothing has gotten resolved. We took our counselors advice, and we did work on some things, but well, it just hasn't been fixed.
And then we found out I was pregnant AGAIN. I won't go into the details since I explained that all in How I became the mom of three. This did NOT help things at all. I had to come off of my medication....horrible. We were not overly thrilled in the beginning because we KNEW this was not going to be a good pregnancy...and it hasn't been. I had thyroid problems in the beginning of the pregnancy, and then by the time I was six months along, the pre-term labor started. And so....we are still limping along, and I can't NOT (sorry for the double negative) have a decent, reliable, healthy, happy marriage any longer.
I having been finding myself wanting to close myself off emotionally (at the very least) from my husband. I know that this is NOT the thing to do, and I can recognize what's going on, but I am having trouble stopping it. So I made the decision to go back to our counselor. I need to do this for my marriage. I HAVE to have the will to fix this. I want to stay married, and I WANT AND NEED it to be a HAPPY marriage.
So we are on a new mission. The mission to nurture our marriage like we nurture our children. If we don't, there won't be a marriage to rely on when the kids are old enough to have their own lives...and THEN where will we be?
I have to guess that soooo many couples have this issue, but don't talk about it, or ignore it because they just don't know what to do about it. So I'm sharing. I'm sharing our journey from here on out because I need to get the thoughts out of my head (plus it gives me a little insight) and maybe it might help someone else.
I do desperately love my husband, and I want things so much to return to what we had. So we're going to work on it. We ARE going to take time for ourselves as a couple. I would like to sit down with him this weekend so that we can make a plan (shhh, don't tell, he doesn't know this yet) and STICK to it. I'll let you know what we come up with, and I'll also let you know where this journey takes us...I'm sure that there will be ups and downs...but my hope is that we'll come out of this with a stronger marriage and more in love.
Stay tuned.....
This is THE MOST fabulous advice I have received in a long time.
This is a subject that my husband and I have had difficulty with for some time.
This is the story about WHY I need this advice.
WARNING: This could be the longest blog post in history.
Our marriage drastically changed once we started having children...and not in a good way. This is something that we have literally been struggling with for 3 long years.
Before we had children, Jon and I were best friends.
Summer 2006
We had a GREAT relationship. We rarely fought at all.
IOP 2006
We really didn't have any issues with each other. We could go places and do things without a care in the world (relatively speaking...because we had two dogs).
December 2005
We traveled...A LOT. We went out all the time. We hardly EVER did anything without the other person (we WANTED to spend all of our time together).
Mexico 2006
Then we decided it was time to start having children. I think that it really changed once we found out we were pregnant with the Munchkin. I have long said this...my life changed immediately, while Jon continued on the way he was. As women, we give up so much of ourselves to have children. We give up our lifestyle. We give up our bodies. We give up our freedom. And the change is immediate once we find out that we are pregnant. Men don't have to give up anything. I gave up smoking, he didn't. I gave up drinking, he didn't. I had to give up eating certain random things, he didn't. (I know that the whole giving up smoking and drinking thing would seem like a no-brainer, but I know many people who have not while they are pregnant.) We had made the decision to have children TOGETHER, but here I was making many DRASTIC life changes by myself.
It got MUCH worse after Munchkin actually arrived. I tried to breastfeed....that didn't work too well. I was doing most of the care-taking by myself. I was struggling very hard to figure out how to take care of this little person AND myself. Jon continued on....like nothing was really different. I am NOT saying he didn't do anything, because he did. He did change diapers, he did feed her, he did bathe her, but I felt that it was because I had to ASK him to. He continued to hang out with his friends and do the drinking thing, and the smoking thing (like I couldn't tell....) and I was angry about it. I had made all of these lifestyle changes (and believe me...there were many arguments about me not changing fast enough...ironic if you ask me) and he had made none. It was and is a double standard. I went to him and told him how I felt, and he basically threw his hands up and said if he ignored it, it would go away. In his opinion, he was still the same person he had always been, and I was the one who had changed (hello, my point exactly), and that it was my problem to fix. And so, the problem continued on.
We did limp along...but all of our focus was on our baby girl. We love her more than words and life itself. We did NOT focus any attention on each other...just on the Munchkin. Hind-sight is always 20/20....we should have been focusing on our marriage just as diligently as we were our daughter. We continued fighting off and on...same argument..but it got worse, and mean. Very mean. Despite all of this we decided that we wanted to start trying to have another baby. It was a happy thing when we found out we were pregnant again, but the same problems kept following us (go figure...you don't solve the problem, it doesn't go away)...and we kept limping along.
The second pregnancy was EXTREMELY difficult. Much to my dismay, my body endured A LOT of damage during my pregnancy with the Munchkin that I was not aware of. By the time I was 12 weeks pregnant with the Little Man, I was in physical therapy (and have been ever since). There are SO many things that can happen to your body when you are pregnant....I'm wondering why NO ONE tells us this. And believe it or not...it's NOT normal, and you DON'T have to live with it. There is a silver lining that came out of this situation...I am now in school to be a Physical Therapy Assistant, and I have a job waiting for me when I get done with school working with a fabulous Physical Therapist who is a WOMAN'S HEALTH SPECIALIST. Because we DON'T have to live with it, and it CAN get better!!!! During my pregnancy with Little Man, I was put on bed-rest, and long story short, it was horrible and stressful, and we were all VERY glad when he arrived. The pregnancy did, however, put even more stress on our marriage. I NEEDED to depend on him...and he DID pick up a lot of the housework and things I couldn't do, but he seemed resentful of the whole situation.
So here we were with two children, and our marriage was still on the back burner. After Little Man was born, we went through a period of several months which almost ended our marriage. I won't go into details...and I know that I probably should tell the whole story, but honestly, I can't. At this point, I demanded to go to counseling. Jon agreed. We started seeing a counselor, which helped, but I was still under an incredible amount of stress, and I was feeling overwhelmed, and I was having trouble sleeping, so I started taking happy pills. This made a SIGNIFICANT difference for me. I was able to function SO much better, but it didn't fix things between Jon and I.....even with counseling. It did get better, but nothing has gotten resolved. We took our counselors advice, and we did work on some things, but well, it just hasn't been fixed.
And then we found out I was pregnant AGAIN. I won't go into the details since I explained that all in How I became the mom of three. This did NOT help things at all. I had to come off of my medication....horrible. We were not overly thrilled in the beginning because we KNEW this was not going to be a good pregnancy...and it hasn't been. I had thyroid problems in the beginning of the pregnancy, and then by the time I was six months along, the pre-term labor started. And so....we are still limping along, and I can't NOT (sorry for the double negative) have a decent, reliable, healthy, happy marriage any longer.
I having been finding myself wanting to close myself off emotionally (at the very least) from my husband. I know that this is NOT the thing to do, and I can recognize what's going on, but I am having trouble stopping it. So I made the decision to go back to our counselor. I need to do this for my marriage. I HAVE to have the will to fix this. I want to stay married, and I WANT AND NEED it to be a HAPPY marriage.
So we are on a new mission. The mission to nurture our marriage like we nurture our children. If we don't, there won't be a marriage to rely on when the kids are old enough to have their own lives...and THEN where will we be?
I have to guess that soooo many couples have this issue, but don't talk about it, or ignore it because they just don't know what to do about it. So I'm sharing. I'm sharing our journey from here on out because I need to get the thoughts out of my head (plus it gives me a little insight) and maybe it might help someone else.
I do desperately love my husband, and I want things so much to return to what we had. So we're going to work on it. We ARE going to take time for ourselves as a couple. I would like to sit down with him this weekend so that we can make a plan (shhh, don't tell, he doesn't know this yet) and STICK to it. I'll let you know what we come up with, and I'll also let you know where this journey takes us...I'm sure that there will be ups and downs...but my hope is that we'll come out of this with a stronger marriage and more in love.
Stay tuned.....
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
When shopping becomes traumatizing...
Okay, I know that for a lot of women, shopping for clothes can be traumatizing, no matter what the item. Generally speaking, I don't have body issues (most of the time). I have been relatively skinny all of my life...(insert cussing and and nasty comments here)...until I started to have children.
I know that this is the case for so many of us. You decide to bring children into the world, and not only do you have to give up your life as you know it (which is NOT a bad thing), you also have to give up your body.
When you have your first baby, you think everything is a wonderful, amazing process, and you don't so much notice the weight gain...I mean REALLY notice it until after you give birth. You still have grand delusions of getting back into to your pre-pregnancy clothes right away.....until you realize that NOTHING FITS!!!!! You still have this belly that looks like you are about 5 months pregnant, and for some reason, your derriere didn't immediately shrink back to it's normal size as soon as that cute little person came out of your body. I accepted this...it actually didn't bother me at all (until much later when we decided to go on vacation in spring of 2008). I embraced being a little bigger (okay, honestly, I started out a size 5, and was an 11 after the Munchkin was born...and stayed that way until I got pregnant with the Little Man).
Then you have your second child. You don't really have any body expectations at this point. You know what is going to happen, and you don't worry about it, until every week at the doctor's office, the scale goes up 5 pounds (yes, every week, I gained 20 pounds that month)! The bad part at this point was that I was on bed-rest and I could NOT do anything to stop the RAPID weight gain. After the Little Man arrived, I knew what to expect about what my body was going to look like, but I didn't like it either. Again, I had to go out and buy clothes so that I could go to work in something other than sweatpants. I ended up being a size 13 after Little Man.
Then the weight started melting away. Literally. I wasn't doing anything. I wasn't dieting. I wasn't exercising. I WAS under an incredible amount of stress at that point. So, when you live on coffee and happy pills (yes...I admit it, and I needed them, AND THEY WORK!) you tend to loose a little weight. I actually got down to a size 9! And then......
I found out I was pregnant with #3. I was a little panicky at this point. I had finally started feeling better about my body. And here I was pregnant again, facing another possible 50 pound weight gain. Honestly, I have barely gained 20lbs. with this pregnancy. My hips, derriere, and thighs, however, did not get the DO NOT EXPAND memo. I was good up until about March...then things went a little downhill.
NOTHING FITS! I KNOW that I'm pregnant. And no, I have NOT gained much weight, but let's be honest here...my butt is wide. Wider than it has ever been before. It's uncharted territory! I know that I will be birthing my THIRD child in just a few weeks. People constantly tell me how cute I look. How I'm all belly (we'll just wait and see what happens when the girth of my belly isn't covering up the girth of everything else). I mean it's great that people want to be polite, but let's not ignore reality here. It really doesn't make me feel better, to me it means that people are noticing (how wide I actually am) and are trying to make me feel better about it.
I know I said that this blog was about shopping being traumatizing...and it is. I'm getting to it right now. I feel that you needed the proper background information.
This past Sunday it was rather warm. I was going through my mishmash of maternity clothes trying to find a pair of capris (that actually fit) to wear. WASN'T HAPPENING. So Jon, my dear, wonderful husband suggested that I try a pair of HIS shorts on. Here is part of the actual conversation.....
"Here, just try them on."
"They aren't going to fit."
"How do you know, just try them."
"Because I know. They aren't going to fit. I'll show you."
And then I put them on and pulled them up. And no, they didn't fit.
"Oh....you're right. They don't fit. Why don't you buy some shorts while you're out with Melissa today."
So, yes. I knew what I was in for. I even knew what size I had to look for. I just needed to try on the shorts to make sure they actually fit. I tried them on, and they did indeed fit. They actually don't look too bad (because at this point, not too bad is the best to hope for).
I brought them home and did fashion show (I always do fashion show....it's imperative to make sure you look halfway decent in the stuff you just bought). Jon commented that they didn't look too bad. Okay. Good purchase. I'm good for the rest of the summer (because as we all know, your butt doesn't immediately shrink the moment you give birth).
I held up a pair (that I wasn't wearing) and said, "Wow, these look really big when you hold them up." Jon agreed and inquired about the size. I asked him if he really wanted to know. He said that he did. So I told him. Size 15.
He then said, "Weren't you a size 5 before you got pregnant with the Munchkin?"
"Yes dear, yes I was."
"Oh well, I'd still do ya."
Aww. How sweet. So as traumatic as the numbers seem, I suppose it's really not that bad. Especially when your husband seems (or at least pretends) not to care or notice that you have an ever expanding body.
I know that this is the case for so many of us. You decide to bring children into the world, and not only do you have to give up your life as you know it (which is NOT a bad thing), you also have to give up your body.
Before children.
April of 2006. Mexico. 127lbs.
When you have your first baby, you think everything is a wonderful, amazing process, and you don't so much notice the weight gain...I mean REALLY notice it until after you give birth. You still have grand delusions of getting back into to your pre-pregnancy clothes right away.....until you realize that NOTHING FITS!!!!! You still have this belly that looks like you are about 5 months pregnant, and for some reason, your derriere didn't immediately shrink back to it's normal size as soon as that cute little person came out of your body. I accepted this...it actually didn't bother me at all (until much later when we decided to go on vacation in spring of 2008). I embraced being a little bigger (okay, honestly, I started out a size 5, and was an 11 after the Munchkin was born...and stayed that way until I got pregnant with the Little Man).
Baby #1
Morning of Munchkin's birth, June 2007. 160lbs. Size 11.
Then you have your second child. You don't really have any body expectations at this point. You know what is going to happen, and you don't worry about it, until every week at the doctor's office, the scale goes up 5 pounds (yes, every week, I gained 20 pounds that month)! The bad part at this point was that I was on bed-rest and I could NOT do anything to stop the RAPID weight gain. After the Little Man arrived, I knew what to expect about what my body was going to look like, but I didn't like it either. Again, I had to go out and buy clothes so that I could go to work in something other than sweatpants. I ended up being a size 13 after Little Man.
Baby #2
Morning of Little Man's birth, January 2009. 180lbs. Size 13.
Then the weight started melting away. Literally. I wasn't doing anything. I wasn't dieting. I wasn't exercising. I WAS under an incredible amount of stress at that point. So, when you live on coffee and happy pills (yes...I admit it, and I needed them, AND THEY WORK!) you tend to loose a little weight. I actually got down to a size 9! And then......
Family Pictures. Early Fall 2009. 140ish lbs. Size 9.
I found out I was pregnant with #3. I was a little panicky at this point. I had finally started feeling better about my body. And here I was pregnant again, facing another possible 50 pound weight gain. Honestly, I have barely gained 20lbs. with this pregnancy. My hips, derriere, and thighs, however, did not get the DO NOT EXPAND memo. I was good up until about March...then things went a little downhill.
Baby #3
April 15, 2010. 32 weeks pregnant. 160lbs.
NOTHING FITS! I KNOW that I'm pregnant. And no, I have NOT gained much weight, but let's be honest here...my butt is wide. Wider than it has ever been before. It's uncharted territory! I know that I will be birthing my THIRD child in just a few weeks. People constantly tell me how cute I look. How I'm all belly (we'll just wait and see what happens when the girth of my belly isn't covering up the girth of everything else). I mean it's great that people want to be polite, but let's not ignore reality here. It really doesn't make me feel better, to me it means that people are noticing (how wide I actually am) and are trying to make me feel better about it.
I know I said that this blog was about shopping being traumatizing...and it is. I'm getting to it right now. I feel that you needed the proper background information.
This past Sunday it was rather warm. I was going through my mishmash of maternity clothes trying to find a pair of capris (that actually fit) to wear. WASN'T HAPPENING. So Jon, my dear, wonderful husband suggested that I try a pair of HIS shorts on. Here is part of the actual conversation.....
"Here, just try them on."
"They aren't going to fit."
"How do you know, just try them."
"Because I know. They aren't going to fit. I'll show you."
And then I put them on and pulled them up. And no, they didn't fit.
"Oh....you're right. They don't fit. Why don't you buy some shorts while you're out with Melissa today."
So, yes. I knew what I was in for. I even knew what size I had to look for. I just needed to try on the shorts to make sure they actually fit. I tried them on, and they did indeed fit. They actually don't look too bad (because at this point, not too bad is the best to hope for).
I brought them home and did fashion show (I always do fashion show....it's imperative to make sure you look halfway decent in the stuff you just bought). Jon commented that they didn't look too bad. Okay. Good purchase. I'm good for the rest of the summer (because as we all know, your butt doesn't immediately shrink the moment you give birth).
I held up a pair (that I wasn't wearing) and said, "Wow, these look really big when you hold them up." Jon agreed and inquired about the size. I asked him if he really wanted to know. He said that he did. So I told him. Size 15.
He then said, "Weren't you a size 5 before you got pregnant with the Munchkin?"
"Yes dear, yes I was."
"Oh well, I'd still do ya."
Aww. How sweet. So as traumatic as the numbers seem, I suppose it's really not that bad. Especially when your husband seems (or at least pretends) not to care or notice that you have an ever expanding body.
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