Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Marriage Class #2

So class #2 ended up being about anger.  

We watched a video of the author of the Love Dare speak about anger and how it can affect your life.

I talked a little bit about this in the overview about me and the hubby.

In the video they also featured clips from FIREPROOF the movie.  Which I now would love to see.  And can I say Kirk Cameron is still totally hot!


Anger.  It's a horrible, destructive thing.  Believe me, it has it's place, but when you can't let your anger go, it can virtually destroy your life.

We learned how your own personal anger can cause you to shut yourself off from your spouse (and your children).  It also causes your spouse (and children) to shut themselves off to you.

With ever present anger, you can't be open to love.  You can't allow yourself to love or to be loved.  

This was the biggest wake-up call ever.

I was literally crying during the whole video.  This was it.  This was our problem.  We were both so angry, for who even knows why.  

It's so very hard to let go of anger.  And it's only been a couple of weeks, so it's easy for it to pop in occasionally.

My husband is making a grand effort of letting the old anger go, and not to allow new anger to come in an turn our lives upside down.  I am trying to do the same.

Some days it's REALLY HARD not to be angry.

I'm not saying it's bad to have any anger at all, but when it's an ongoing, festering thing, it's really unhealthy.

It's also a change in the way that you need to view each other.  It's about getting rid of the things that help foster anger in your life.

We were given handouts with some suggestions on how to push the negativity out.  I'm going to share a couple of these with you.  There was a handout for husbands, and one for wives.  The husband handout was a list of 25 ways to honor your wife (I'm not going to list all of them...some of them are redundant).  The wife handout were 3 ways to honor your husband in a life changing way.

Honor your husband in your heart.  Basically, the way that you inwardly talk about your husband will effect how you feel about him.

Honor your husband to others.  Okay...easy.  Don't trash talk him.  I mean there is always some sort of issue that you may have with your husband, but there is a big difference between telling people you think he's lazy, than if you complain about how you don't understand how his socks get so dirty.

Honor your husband to his face.  This one seems like it might be easy, but really, if you're used to being angry at each other, you have to put it in your mind to be nice.  There are always multiple ways to say things, try the nice way.  (one of the things I REALLY need to work on...honesty doesn't have to be mean)

The point of all of these is to help you view your husband in a better light, and in turn he will feel better about himself, and you.  

Includes his wife in envisioning the future (team effort!).
Is willing to say "I am sorry" and "forgive me".
Discuss and fairly distribute household responsibilities with his wife.
Seeks the consultation of his wife in everything and about everything.
Follows through with commitments made to his wife.
Initiates meaningful family traditions.
Lets his wife and children into the interior of his life.
Honors his wife in public.
Allows time for his wife to pursue her own private interests.

I think it's all VERY valuable information.  I don't think that the wife list is just for the wives and the husband list is just for the husbands.  It's important for EVERYONE to make an effort and implement things from both lists.  

Some things on the husband list really pertain to me more.  I mean, I have always been the one to balance the checkbook and pay the bills.  I have made many financial decisions on my own, without consulting Jon.  While I feel that I am completely qualified to make the decisions on my own, it's not fair to Jon.  He may have a better idea than I do.  He may want to be a part of the decision.  And quite frankly, if it was him making all of the decisions about our finances and he didn't consult me, I would be ticked.

So lists in hand, and reminders of how not to be angry.  

Long.  Road.  Ahead.

Less arguing on the journey.


  1. Ugh. I think I needed to read this today. (and you should totally watch Fireproof.... most of the actors in it are cheesy, but Kirk is awesome and the message is so good!) I have been so angry lately. A lot of things aren't going as I planned and I'm having trouble accepting and moving on... instead I'm taking it out on Big A.

    Thanks for sharing what you're learning!!

    If you want to borrow the Love Dare book, I have it. I didn't write in it when I went through it.

  2. Kristy,

    We actually do have the book. I think I need to get it out and dust it off!

    I'm glad that I had the words that you needed to hear today! It's awesome when one of your friends can give you the lift that you need.

    Love you guys!


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