Monday, April 25, 2011

Marriage Class #4

Have you bridged the gender gap?

Well, I suppose it depends on what you mean by "bridging" the gap.  Ha ha ha.  Okay.  All jokes aside.

I'm going to say sometimes.

This is a little more specific than the communication class.  It's part of communication, but more detailed.  It's the parts of us that make us, well, us, and therefore, how we communicate.

Acknowledging and appreciating the differences between us (you and your spouse) will improve your relationship.

First thought.  Really?  I have to appreciate what he does differently even if it drives me absolutely batty?

Second thought.  Okay.  I get it.  We are supposed to compliment each other, not be the same.  (Uh which is part of the fun part...that we aren't the same)

Okay.  We were given a list of things to rank in importance(from 1 to 6) to us (as an individual) and then compare answers.

                                        Beth                          Jon
Admiration                         3                              2
Affection                            6                              5
Commitment                       6                              6
Companionship                    6                              5
Conversation                      5                              3
Financial Support                 3                              3
Honesty                             6                              5
Intimacy                            5                              6
Personal Space                   4                              4
Respect                             6                              5
Rootedness                         5                              3
Security                             6                              5
Sex                                   5                              6
Shared Activities                 3                              5

So, we are fairly close on most of them.  The biggest difference for us was conversation, rootedness (which basically means stability), and shared activities.

Conversation is probably our biggest challenge.  I like to talk.  A lot.  Gee, can you tell?  Anyway.  I also have what Jon calls a train wreck of thought.  Which means I can talk about 20 different topics during a 5 minute conversation.  Which, I sometimes have to explain how I jumped from one subject to another.  Jon doesn't always want to talk.  He's actually kind-of quiet, so it's a work in progress.

Rootedness, eh.  I guess it's important, but not.  We agree on this actually.  We know that we can weather any storm.  That doesn't mean that it's easy, but we can get through anything.  You name it, we've been through it.

Shared activities.  This is an interesting one.  We spend almost all of our time together.  Most of the time our activities revolve around the kids.  Which we love, and we don't really get time away from them, so it's really just a non-issue at this point.  I mean having activities that we share that don't include the kids.

So basically men and women are different.  Really?  No kidding, but it's nice to have some things pointed out so that they are obvious enough to smack you upside the head when needed.

Men focus on achievement, women focus on relationships.  

That's basically true.  I am very goal-oriented myself, but my relationships are very important to me as well.  I think men often overlook the importance of relationships with people.

What every Husband should know about his Wife:
She needs to be cherished.
She needs to be known (really know her...thank her for sharing).
She needs to be respected.

What every Wife should know about her Husband:
He needs to be admired (although my husband doesn't agree with this).
He needs to have autonomy (which my husband says women need too).
He needs to have shared activities (at this point he said he would rather have the other list).

So moral of this story is that if you meet each others unique needs, then you are on the right path to a better, healthier marriage.

Sounds good to me.  


  1. I love that you guys are almost the same on all of them! I wonder what we would be...

  2. I think you guys should take the "quiz" and see!


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