Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Me and the hubby, an overview.

Oh my.  Where do I start.  I know not at the beginning, because really, do you want to hear about the entire 14 1/2 years of our relationship?  Yeah, I didn't think so.

So, as you know, Jon and I have our moments.  Good and bad.  Unfortunately the majority of them were getting lumped in with the bad side.

I know that my anniversary post was one of the last good moments that we had until about two weeks ago.

I'm not saying that it was all bad, but it wasn't really good either.  Things got even more complicated the day my mom was admitted to the hospital.  She was in the hospital almost two weeks before she passed away.  I was spending hours upon hours at the hospital and not at home.  Very much understood, very much not understood.

We were NOT communicating.  He was angry, and I put my walls up.  We were both totally at fault.  I was going through the last part of my mom's illness and death, and I tend to pull away when major things like that happen.  Not always the right thing to do (duh), but it's a way of self-preservation.

We had a two hour counseling session about two, maybe three weeks ago.  It didn't go well.  At all.  While on my way to work, one of my wonderful friends called me, or I called her back, something like that.  She invited Jon and I to go to a marriage class with her and her husband at (are you ready for this) church.  Okay, I'm not an overly religious person, and neither is my husband, but honestly, we decided if we didn't like it, we didn't have to go back.

So yes, we went.  It was good.  My girlfriend said that she had never seen us that focused and engaged with each other in the ENTIRE four years that she has known us.  Um, hello!!!  Wake-up call.

We had a good time at class.  We had a good week...and then a good weekend, and then another class.  That class was about anger.  How it closes you off from your family, and how it closes off your family from you.  


Those were the bells going off in me head saying..holy crap!!  This is us!  This is EXACTLY what we needed to hear.  And then....that night I (we) tried to have a conversation about the class..and hello anger.

Jon was harboring anger because he felt like I was never home.  Whether it be at work, at the hospital when my mom was dying, running errands, school...I just wasn't home.  I was angry because he didn't understand.  I was so angry that I just stopped talking (not that night...but in general leading up to said argument).

We agreed to let the anger go.  We knew we were facing me being at home not just for the same time (after working opposite shifts for 9 years), but all of the time, and I didn't want it to start out badly..and I don't think he did either.

So.  Here we are.  Two weeks in.  Much happier.  Not perfect, but then again who is?  We are working on it.  Really truly working on it.  I am letting him back into my heart.  He is being nice (aka..not angry).

I am hoping at some point (soon) to tell you about the classes, the subjects and how they are helping us.  I have been taking you on a journey of our relationship together, and I think that sharing this part is important too.

Here's to sharing!

1 comment:

  1. Where are you going to class? I almost fell out of my chair!! There you go, going all Christian on me ;).

    When Josh died, the person who supported me the least was Alex. He didn't understand it. He expected me to act a certain way, get over things in a certain amount of time, and pretty much function as normal right away. And for two years, every time we talked about Josh, we'd get into a huge fight because he just didn't understand me and grief. I'm not sure how we turned a corner, but I can now talk about Josh with him and cry and be vulnerable without feeling bad for feeling bad.

    Did that make any sense? :)

    Love you girl! I'm glad you're doing okay!


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